OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Monday, May 11

#7177

QUESTION: Would it be selfish of me to break up with my boyfriend over this?


We're both in 4A and have been together since 1A. He's from Vancouver, has done all of his work terms there, and is prepared to work there full time upon graduating. I'm from Toronto, have done a few terms there, but fell in love with my last few terms in the Bay Area. I'm ready to move there after I graduate.

He strongly suggests we do a long term relationship, and in the end, he'd like me to move to a city in Canada after a few years (he would never want to be an American citizen). He said if I were to stay in Canada, he'd come find a job wherever I'd be working. He just doesn't want to work in the States.

I have no problem doing a long-term thing, but I just don't want to stay in Canada. I'd love to stay in the Valley for a long period of time.

Is this it? Is this where I choose my career over my boyfriend?

14 comments

  1. Career > Boyfriend... If you're even having second thoughts like this, go with the more rational option. If he was really completely and entirely worth your while, you wouldn't even fathom the thought of breaking up. And, as always, if it is meant to be you'll meet again in the future.

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    1. Life of loneliness > Working with others. It's a common theme on this site I've seen. Pure unbridled selfishness. Rather sad. I feel sorry for you #1 when you realize in the end you're truly alone.

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    2. aren't we all

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    3. I don't know what you're going on about, 1a. 1 makes some good points about having second thoughts. Unlike OP, I kind of hate it in the Bay Area, but if my boyfriend were to decide to move there permanently, I would as well. I trust that if I were completely miserable, he'd agree to move somewhere else.

      If you can't compromise on living in the same country, there's no point in staying in a long-term relationship.

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    4. @1a I don't think it's about choosing a partner over a career. In this case, it's more THIS partner or OP's career. Like 1 and 1c said, OP's lack of surety on the matter speaks volumes. Plus, he or she could always find a new boyfriend in the Bay Area. In the end, OP, which will make you happier longterm: boyfriend or location/job?

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    5. 1b: +1 to you for not be a willing (or perhaps unwitting) participant in this game of delusional idiocy.

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  2. Only you can decide what's best for you. It sounds like you've already made up your mind, and chosen your career, but want validation that it's ok. It's ok to choose career over love, as there are different types of happiness.

    Truthfully, I think you need to do what's best for YOU. A long-term relationship is a commitment for what could be the rest of your life. Make sure if you decide to stay with him, that it's for the right reasons, and not because of a fear of hurting him, or seeming selfish.

    Just my two cents. Good luck!!

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  3. That suuuuuuuucks. Sorry.

    This sounds like a conversation to have with your boyfriend, so that you can mutually agree if you can work things out or not.

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  4. If you sacrifice your career for the sake of your boyfriend, you're going to resent him and ultimately lose both the relationship and the career. Honestly, you've been dating for four years; if you're not madly enough in love to get married, you're both wasting your time.

    There will be others. Do what's best for both of you.

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    Replies
    1. Good points but I take issue with the not being in love because you've dated and not gotten married yet. There are plenty of reasons to not be married when you're just leaving university, and four years, in the grand scheme, is a very small span of time in a longterm relationship.

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    2. Most women, if they want to have kids, look to get married no later than age 35. So 4 years is actually a really long time. I think if you spend four or five years with someone and you're not prepared to commit, you're only staying in the relationship out of fear.

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    3. @4b As a woman, I will tell you that it depends entirely upon when you started dating the person. If you start dating at 28-30, then four years is a long time IF you intend to only have children after getting married. If you start dating at 17-18, which this person seems to have (dating since 1A), four years is nothing. Also, you're assuming that people universally want and need to be married to have kids - which is just stupid. As for not committing, dating is a commitment. Just look at divorce statistics; being married isn't some sort of failsafe that commits a person to you.

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  5. Any woman that chooses a career over a man is a shitty woman in life.

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    Replies
    1. Grow up please little angsty troll boy

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