OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Sunday, November 30


QUESTION: UW students scared of the geese, run into open traffic to cross the street


  1. Don't be scared, use my 12 step program to become alpha goose. This has worked for 5 years, never been bit or even aggressively attacked. One time golfing I was swinging two wedges at them to get to my ball on the green. I was almost stepping over them to get to my ball. I hit it out without being attacked. They didn't like that I was there, but were to scared to attack.

    1) Look for a nest if it is during nesting season. If you spot a nest, you are SOL, cross the street or get attacked.

    2) Are they chasing each other around? If yes, look to see if they are defending something, don't get between them, but continue if it doesn't take you between them and what they are defending (even if you can't see it). If yes, but they are on the path, you should probably go around. If no, but there is a bunch (more than 2 per sq meter) on the path, it is recommended to go around. If no, and they are off the path, continue.

    3) Build up your confidence, they smell fear, and the following steps will be reduced in potency if they smell fear.

    4) Make yourself bigger. Stick out chest and shoulders (as if you area jock trying to show off muscles when a girl walks by), if you are carrying anything, try to hold it out a bit further than normal

    5) Plan escape routes, two will probably do. You probably won't use them, but running is plan B.

    6) Put on the best resting bitch face you can do, or just look like you will kick them over the nearest building if they even look at you

    7) Give them a death stare, don't break eye contact, if there are multiple geese, stare at the closest one, or the most aggressive/alpha one.

    8) If they hiss quickly look at them if you were not already looking at them. Say "HEY!" in the butchiest voice you can. Doesn't need to be loud enough for the whole campus to hear, just enough that they know you are talking to them. If they are aggressive, turn your body towards them as if you are getting ready to strike.

    9) If they hiss and flap their wings at you, or start to lunge towards you, spread your arms like wings, stomp towards them with your less dominant leg and yell "NO!". Don't scream, or try to duck and cover, they will just attack. But be prepared to cover your head, and kick with your dominant leg. Don't kick unless they are really about attacking you, they will sometimes just charge but back off. If you have to kick, aim for right below the head, their neck won't be able to reach your leg, but you will still do enough damage to make them back off. Don't kill them, I would, but not everyone can deal with it.

    10)If they keep attacking, run away covering your head if they have become airborne. They will stop attacking once you run.

    11) If they backed off easily, you can continue your fake attack to show them who is boss, but don't press too hard, read the situation. If they backed off at the last second, keep your defenses up, but don't pursue.

    12) They are behind you, and you are unscathed. If you are shaken up, go have a drink, a toke, or whatever calms you down.

    Ideal situation: they back off when they see you mean business, they don't want to hurt you, they just don't want to get hurt themselves.

    1. or just kick it

    2. Don't kick it.
      If I see anyone kick an animal, even an evil goose, I will come kick you.

    3. Kicking is a last resort, only if it is attacking, you don't want to make it more angry.

      I wish they were cleaner animals. Then we could hunt them, and serve them at soup kitchens. Two birds with one stone (pun intended): feed the hungry, and deal with the goose problem.

  2. Geese are my spirit animal