OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Wednesday, September 10

#6319

QUESTION: How much does your family influence relationships?

9 comments

  1. my parents heavily influenced my first relationship as they did not approve.
    i feel so bad that it ended that way.

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  2. I never saw my parents ever express any affection toward each other my entire life and I suspect that has something to do with why I have difficulty engaging girls romantically.

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    Replies
    1. Stop externalizing your failures. This is not an uncommon situation, and many people go through it and come out normal.

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    2. My bf comes from a divorced family and he treats me very well. Good luck 2.

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    3. 2a - I'm not blaming them, and I accept that I'm the only one who can affect any change in my life. I'm no fat neck-beard who blames everyone else for their problems and I know I really have a lot going for me. I just think that's a way in which my family life has affected my relationships. There are also many ways in which my up-bringing has positively affected me. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but please don't judge me too much based on one sentence I wrote on an anonymous forum about a fairly complicated personal issue. Or maybe it's not complicated at all and I just have to go for it. /endmusing.

      2b - Thanks for the well-wishes.

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    4. 2 - I see some people here aren't aware that family of origin has an immense influence on your choices/behaviours/dynamics related to relationships. When I read your question I didn't think you were placing blame but were having an introspective moment. Verbally expressing your feelings/affection/intention and being vulnerable isn't something that comes naturally to everyone.
      Takes practice.

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    5. @2d: I'm 2a, and I feel your comment was aimed partially, if not directly, at me.
      Yes, I'm aware that a person's family has a direct and profound role in their other relationships. My parents hated each other, and finally got a divorce a few years ago - I'd say a decade too late. Growing up, I had a strange, perhaps delusional, hope that one day I would be the heroine of a fairytale romance. Now that I'm older and don't believe in that (most days), I think my parents have actually caused me to seek out and work for a relationship that's healthier than what they had.

      @2: I just think this kind of situation could be a good thing if you reflect on your parents and realize you don't want to follow in their footsteps. Your original comment made it seem like you aren't doing anything to help yourself, which I have no sympathy for. Talk to a therapist if you need to, but this shouldn't be something that has a huge, negative impact on you for the rest of your life.

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