QUESTION: Is it cheating if you gave oral to your S.O.'s close friend, while you were intoxicated and it occurred slightly BEFORE your relationship started, but never told your S.O. about it?
I admit my faults in this matter, but in all honesty that "friend" lead me into it. They asked to drink and I was fast asleep already before they started approaching me; I wasn't even able to fully grasp the situation until they had already led my hand down to their genital area. It wasn't reciprocated and we didn't do it. Nothing ever happened after that night and I love my S.O now. It's been almost 6 months; I've been faithful to my S.O. since we started dating and this is the only thing I've ever kept from my S.O. I've been feeling super guilty, I don't know what would happen if they were to find out.
I am feeling a little like Rachel from Suits atm...
Led your hand down? Do you know what oral is? O_o
ReplyDeletemust of been the start of it
Delete@1a Well, then this is just ridiculous. I don't know how she can blame a friend for "leading her into it" in this case. If you DON'T want to suck a dick, you simply don't suck a dick. Having your hand down there isn't some sort of "Oh shit, I HAVE to suck it now. Drats" situation.
DeleteYou are feeling guilty for something you did prior to dating this guy...you realize how crazy that is?
ReplyDeleteIf it is bugging you that much, just tell him. If he gets mad at you, well...then you are dating a jerk.
Well they could have been seeing each other before officially dating. Plus I'd like to know if my GF sucked off my friend, why wouldn't she say something about it prior
Delete"I admit my faults in this matter, but in all honesty that "friend" lead me into it". Take some responsibility for your actions and choices and not your friend leading you. If you guys were not dating I don't see the point of mentioning it. If you guys were some what together but not officially when that occurred, he may end it with you.
ReplyDeleteTake some responsibility? This person just said they were asleep, drunk amd hardly knew what was happening..unless they are lying (which i doubt? This site is anon) then this sounds like the other person was pretty rapey. Like legally this is sexual assault-if you try to make someone do something to you while theyre so drunk theyre almost passed out OR when theyre sleepig and havent consented previously to such sex, then thats sexual assault.
DeleteRegardless, though, if yoi were into the person and stuff happened and the person youre seeing now breaks up with you for lying about this happening, thats fair. But if they break up with you for being slutty or for hooking up with their friend, then good riddance. You shouldnt have to hide anyhing from your s.o and they deserve not to have stuff hidden from them.
You don't just happen to suck a dick. If you are to drunk to consent, you are too drunk to suck a dick. No assault happened here.
DeleteYou can definitely be orally raped....its not impossible? i dont know what youre implying. you could pretty much apply your logic to any sexual assault and that would be obviously bullshit.
Deleteif you are really drunk at all you are too drunk to consent, legally that is end of the story. not to say that this person was assaulted, maybe they dont feel that way. but if you think you cant be orally raped youre dumb as fuck and should rethink your choices to make sure you dont do something awful to someone drunk
But she was the one doing the sucking- in cases of sexual assault, the guy would be forcing something upon her physically. Unless he pushed her head back and forth onto his cock... I guess in that case it would be rape but that doesn't seem like that's what she's saying.
Delete@d: What if, hypothetically, the guy had a gun? He wouldn't have to force anything physically.
DeleteOr maybe he told her that he'd kill her family...
Obviously not related to the situation at hand but just wanted to show you how bad your definition of sexual assault is.
@RL: Whoops, don't know why I added "physically" in that sentence. Just remove that word and that's what I mean (i.e. He has to force her. And putting someone's hand down your pants doesn't force them to suck your cock)
DeleteIf nothing else they should know their friend is a creep.
ReplyDeleteNasty
ReplyDeleteI'm on the fence about this one. On one hand, if you two weren't officially seeing each other at the time, you shouldn't feel guilty and it's really up to you whether you tell him or not. On the other hand, you are a complete idiot to blame the friend for this. Yes, he was DEFINITELY rapey; however, if you were sober enough to actually do oral without munching the hell out of his junk, then you were sober enough to say "Hey, I'm taking my hand back. Get the hell away from me."
ReplyDeleteAs such, this fellow deserves better.
DeleteFrom the tone of the post I feel like the word you should have allcapped was slightly lol. If it really was before anything happened between you two, then there isn't really a reason you should feel guilty about it. Honestly, it kind of seems like it might've been during the period between meeting up and becoming official, in which case its more of a gray area and depends on circumstances (e.g were you guys exclusive?)
ReplyDeleteYoung lady. You should be ashamed of yourself. Tsk tsk...
ReplyDeleteWhy are all the comments assuming the OP is a girl? ... i find that kind of sexist. is it just me?
ReplyDelete+1
DeleteI think the reference to "feel like Rachel from Suits" make us assume that its a woman, but it could be guy!
The fact that 95%> of people are straight and the Rachel part makes it more than a reasonable assumption that OP is a girl.
DeleteAnd also only girls get into these retarded situations
ReplyDeleteI just lol'd at the thought of one of my guy friends doing this, and my reaction "the fuck bro?"
Deleteshould tell your bf what a hoe you are
ReplyDeleteif it's before the relationship started, it's not cheating - doesn't matter if it's years or seconds before.
ReplyDeleteHow about instead of perpetuating rape culture, we all have a discussion about consent?
ReplyDeleteThis individual, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, was a victim of a sexual assault.
Not saying "no" is not consent.
It's in the Canadian Criminal Code that "a lack of resistance or the appearance of submission on the part of the complainant in relation to any of these factors can not lead to a legal finding of consent," and that no consent can be obtained when "the complainant is incapable of consenting to the activity."
An intoxicated individual who "was fast asleep already" and "wasn't even able to fully grasp the situation" is incapable of giving consent.
OP: feeling shame and guilt about being violated by someone you thought was a friend can be very hard to share with anyone. I think if you talked about this incident with your significant other, it might help you to heal and become stronger and closer as a couple. If your significant other can't be supportive of you, then you know what type of person they truly are, and you deserve someone who will respect you. I sincerely hope this "friend" is no longer in your or your significant other's lives.
All the best to you, and shame on all the pigs on here victim-blaming.
+1
DeleteShut up you fucking twat.
DeleteThere is NO victim blaming going on here, because there was no fucking victim to begin with.
How does being expected to be accountable for your actions = victim blaming?
DeleteWhile I'm sure this could have gone either way, don't the guy's actions rub you wrong 13b and 13c? I wouldn't do that to my girlfriend, much less someone who I am not in a sexual relationship with.
DeleteBecause she is using something called "trickle truth", and we aren't getting the full story out of her.
DeleteShe says oral, never mentions it again and has it downgraded to "leading her hand down". There was a jump there she isnt telling us about, because she knows it will change the nature of the story.
And you think they didnt have a sexual relationship before this incident? You think she is willing to lie to her boyfriend about it, but somehow we know the whole truth?
Think again, this wasnt the first time she blew/fucked this guy, she is just looking for sympathy because she feels guilty (and she should).
^OH! So they might have had sexual history. Well, that's fine then. No reason not to take her hand and put it on his dick while she's out then.
Delete^ That didn't happen the way she said it did, either. We KNOW she hasn't given us the full truth, so we might as well not believe any of it.
DeleteShe is just abusing the rape culture perpetuated by feminists that allow her to blame the male any time she regrets a (mutual, consensual) sexual encounter.
@13g: she never said anything about her feeling that she was raped.... only the comments did. She didn't ask for people's sympathy, she asked if she should tell her boyfriend. She did mention that was sleeping and too intoxicated, so she may not have had the mental capacity to give a legitimate consent. Learn to read and not judge a situation based on what you THINK happened.
Delete+1 for 13d
Deleteand consenting to drinking does not mean she's consenting to engaging in any type of sexual activities. @13e and 13g, you're assuming that the girl and the guy could have had sexual relations before, but with assumptions, it can go both ways, you could assume that he forced her.
She said that she was "fast asleep" and "wasn't even able to fully grasp the situation until they had already led (her) hand down to (the guy's) genital area" seems like he initiated it first and did it in a situation where she wasn't able to fully consent to the act (she was asleep and intoxicated). Whether the bj happened or not and whether she consented to the bj afterwords or not, the initial act of the guy leading her hand down to his genital was an act of sexual assault.
If you get sexually assaulted, you go to the fucking police instead of asking OMGUW to tell you it was alright to suck some guys dick.
DeleteShe feels guilty, not assaulted. She enjoyed it, and now feels bad for the SOLE reason that she is now seeing someone else.
If she wasnt with someone else, I guarantee she wouldn't be looking for validation from a bunch of pussies here.
^there's a lot of rape/sexual assault victims that don't report the incident tho... for all kinds of reasons.
Deleteanyways IMO she didn't cheat since it was before the relationship. Also, If she was in sexual relations with the bf (ie - fwb) when the bj happened, it could be argued that it isn't cheating UNLESS they agreed to be exclusive. Although, I'm sure the bf wouldn't like it knowing she did stuff with his bro. So it's a matter of her telling the bf or not that's the problem here ... if she were to tell him, i think that depends on how big of a person the bf is and how he would see the situation
You are fucking encouraging someone to lie to their boyfriend? Really?
DeleteIf there was something important enough to end a relationship, you think its fair to keep it from him so the girl looks better? No, you want it to fester until one day they are married and it comes out. Then what do you know, divorce, the guys life is over (and his finances destroyed).
Goddamn, see this is the kind of shit that pisses me off. Who gives a fuck about the well-being of this dude, unless we keep putting up these lies then her feelings might get hurt, oh god the humanity. And who knows what the fuck else this bitch is keeping from him.
+1 for 13. Thanks for explaining it so well.
ReplyDelete