OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Saturday, July 19

#6064

QUESTION:Hey Waterloo,
I have a question regarding Canadian girls.
I arrived to Canada for the first time last september. I am in my 1B term (ERTW btw).

I met a cute canadian girl in rez on my first week of university. We got along amazingly well and started dating before september was over. She was my first real girlfriend.

Things were amazing for the past months - no fights, no arguments until a week ago when she confessed something to me that made me feel humiliated and used. When she told me, I was too angry to even think and simply called her a whore and told her that we were done and that I never wanted to see her again.

She is been calling me and emailing me telling me that she misses me and that she is sorry (which she should be) and that she wants to get back together...but I don't know if I can move past it and accept her back in my life.

When I first met her she was this sweet and innocent girl - she had told me she has had the same boyfriend for all of highschool which is not a big deal. I seriously thought that I would MARRY this girl. She was perfect but when she told me that she had sex with her bf during highschool...I just can't.

How am I suppose to take her home to meet my parents. My dad will just say that she is 'used goods' (I mean what kind of self-respecting woman has sex with more than one man????).

I seriously don't know what to do. I've been ignoring all her phone calls and texts. I did answered once and she told me that "she was sorry and that she would do anything but that she doesn't understand how it is a big deal that she had sex with her bf in high school?"

She thinks it's no big deal. How can I forgive her if she doesn't even understand how wrong she is?
I think that she should have told me that she was not a virgin before we had sex for the first time (so I could have 'dodged that bullet')

Help me out UW, I am feeling all alone and lost. Should I talk to a counselor?

I guess on a more positive note, I might be opening my application for a new gf (feel free to apply in the comments) ;)

72 comments

  1. Get over yourself. You're seriously afraid to bring her home because of that? How traditional of an upbringing did you have?

    She didn't have to tell you. She did because she's serious about you. If that's not good enough for you, it sounds like you don't deserve her anyway.

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  2. She is the same person you fell for before you found out she had sex with some else before you. Get the fuck over yourself op and stop trying to impose your beliefs on others. You don't deserve her, op, I hope you take your beliefs, marry some chick with similar values and have homosexual kids. Not because being homosexual is wrong but because you probably also believe that homosexuality is as bad as bestiality.

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  3. How big of a douchebag can you be? Like 1 said, get over yourself.

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    1. I don't think we should assume he is a douchebag, could just be religious and they both have to be "pure" to marry. I think that he is just close minded.

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    2. But he himself had sex with her. He wasn't pure either.

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    3. @3a, he said he's had sex with her AND he's opening applications for a new gf. lmfao.

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    4. OP #1 troll

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  4. She SHOULD NOT be sorry; you should be sorry for making her feel like what she did was wrong and like she is worthless. This whole idea of virginity as an indicator of female value is ridiculous and only came into play because of men's need to control the female sex. Imagine that you had admitted something to her - something that you had done a long time ago that you didn't find to be that bad (say you tried smoking ONCE) - and that she completely rejected you for that. How would you feel? What a monstrous thing to do to a human being.

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    1. I am not OP but girls like you are the problem.
      Women should be virgins and if they expect to meet a man to care for them and not cheat on them.
      If I ever started dating a girl and found out that she wasn't a virgin then what's stopping me from going out and cheating on her???

      I am so tired of this feminist logic. So flawed and one sided.

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    2. @4a I am not 4 but people like are you is what is wrong with the world. How are women supposed to become educated and get jobs if men expect them to stay home and be baby makers. Fuck you for thinking that women are so mentally undeveloped compared to men that we only listen to our base instincts to fuck and reproduce. If I ever dated a guy and found how he was anything like you I would dump him because I know I can do better than scum of the earth like you.

      I am so tired of misogyny, so flawed and one sided

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    3. @4a How is it cheating? What if you just dated someone before? Is that cheating? What if you just kissed someone before? What about that? It's not cheating if it was done before you entered a relationship with a person. How stupid are you? Also, should men be virgins before marriage? I'm seriously asking for your opinion on that.

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    4. @4C

      This is 4A.

      I didn't mean to imply it was cheating. I think there was miscommunication error. I meant what's stopping me from cheating on her if she is not a virgin?

      It's like my dad owns an Aston Martin. My dad also respects and treats his car very well because it's a special car.

      But if my dad owned a cheap honda civic then he probably wouldn't even check to see if it was time for an oil change.

      Same thing applies to women.

      I don't see how this is so hard to understand.

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    5. 4D, 4A: Did you just compare women to cars?

      As a religious male who values virginity, but does not agree with your line of thinking, I'm thoroughly disgusted.

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    6. @4D

      People who own Aston martins don't drive them around a lot, keep them locked up in their garage only to be waxed and looked at sometimes, only drive them around on good days to show off their wealth, and will not let anyone touch or even look at the car weirdly.

      The person who owns the cheap Honda civic knows its a reliable car, will get you from point a to point b, and can be used all the time. It is partical and has a use. Maybe the person driving it will become emotionally attached to the car because they used it to drive their kids to the first day of school and to move them off to college. It was the car that got them home after a trip with family and friends.

      Don't compare women to cars, they are people and not replaceable like cars.

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    7. @4d Ignoring the whole horrible car comparison, the girl should not impact your fidelity. That's on you. If you have integrity and if you voluntarily chose to enter a relationship with someone, you shouldn't cheat. What's to keep you from cheating? Your own values. If your values suck and you're a cheater, you're a cheater. It won't matter whether she's a virgin or not - you'll cheat. The reverse is always true. Whether she's a virgin or not, if you're honourable, you won't cheat.

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    8. Also, her values might not be that different from yours when it comes to sexuality (especially since you seemed to think premarital sex was fine). Think. Maybe she had sex with her boyfriend, loving him and expecting to end up married to him before he ended the relationship. Having sex with him doesn't make her loose or lax in morals. Maybe she wasn't not taking sex seriously. Maybe it was just bad luck for her.

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    9. @ 4d: Gross, gross, gross, and also you (or your father) should do an oil change regularly, regardless of whether the car is an Aston Martin or a Honda. You really don't want your engine to fail on the highway. It's dangerous and somewhat embarassing. Just saying.

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  5. I bet she felt humiliated and used, too. She trusted you enough to tell you and you blew up at her. Good thing she learned now rather than later; she deserves better.

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  6. This is obviously a troll post. Just ignore it.

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    Replies
    1. My jimmies are thoroughly rustled butthere are people who actually believe this.

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    2. I guess OMGUW can't handle a shitpost of this calibre.

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    3. I'm torn between agreeing with #6 and not commenting because it only adds to the number of comments on this very obviously fake post.

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  7. Girl involved in this, run! Run as fast as you can!

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  8. That's a terrible way to treat her.

    If her being a virgin is so important to you why didn't you discuss it when you started dating? It's really not unreasonable that she had sex with her previous boyfriend if they dated that long. Before you found out you were obviously fine with YOU having sex with her, why is that any different?

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  9. Not sure if trolling or serious...

    But let's assume you're serious...

    I won't bother outright berating you (as countless others have done, rightly so).

    I come from a religious background. In my culture/religion, "no sex until marriage" is not only encouraged, anything else is heavily frowned upon.

    As much as I value those morals, and abide by them, I cannot and do not impose them on others. Western society does not have the same views around sexuality as my culture and religion - and that is perfectly fine. Generally speaking, if I choose to pursue/date someone who is part of the Western culture, it would be completely wrong for me to assume (and expect) that they abide by the morals I hold.

    What you can do:
    1. Go out, date "Canadian" girls - do not expect them to follow your morals on sexuality (and they should not be looked down upon for their past actions). It's up to you how you "deal" with your family, the rest of us don't care.
    2. Find someone who shares your culture/morals/values.

    Where you were completely an asshole:
    1. Calling her a whore (or expressing anything similar) when you found out about her previous sexual relations. Who are you to judge? If you were uncomfortable with it, there were civil ways to drift apart, while explaining your reasoning using your beliefs. By humiliating her, you were absolutely, irrevocably, in the wrong.

    > How can I forgive her...
    Excuse me? In my head, it should be you who should be asking her to forgive you for your behaviour. She has nothing to "apologize" for.

    I could say more, but I think you get the picture.

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    Replies
    1. Very well said.

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    2. +1 as someone who also shares your values, i can't believe how well you've phrase this. good job

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    3. 9a, 9b: Thank you for the appreciation. When I see issues like this, I see many people jumping to the gun, and outright blaming (my) religion for an individual's actions or a culture's ways of upbringing. I feel that as a human and an individual believer, I have a certain responsibility to pitch in. I feel that people from my culture/religion are not as quick/willing to condemn a wrong if it has been perpetrated by one of their own; I aim to fix this, at least on a personal level.

      That, and the fact that OP held his beliefs/morals above those of others (in this case, his girlfriend) instead of placing them in parallel - it's one thing to politely disagree and disengage, but totally another to resort to anything resembling humiliation).

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    4. +1. Hook-up culture is vile to me and I never have sex outside of a committed relationship, but calling someone a whore because she doesn't share my beliefs is absolutely disgusting.

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  10. Oh you're an engineer. Well that explains a lot.

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  11. Trolllllllllll in the dungeon!

    If not ....
    I would call you a huge hypocrite.

    And you should be terribly ashamed of yourself

    "If you consider a woman less pure after you’ve touched her, maybe you should take a look at your hands"

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  12. Fuck you.

    This is Canada.

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  13. What do you mean by "Canadian" girls? Canada is a multicultural and free country. When I think of Canadian, I think of anyone who has come to Canada to be Canadian, regardless of their background. One of the biggest Canadians I know is from Switzerland. He came here because he wanted to be Canadian, not Swiss-Canadian, but pure Canadian. He gets very angry when an immigrant comes to Canada and tries to force their ways on everyone. In his word "Don't turn Canada into the country you are from, you left for a reason."

    I feel the same way. Don't come to Canada and expect us to change for you. If you don't like our ways, leave.

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    Replies
    1. What do you mean by "Canadian"? The only true Canadians are my ancestors that have been here for thousands of years. You came to this land killed its inhabitants and now impose your moral values on the land of my people?

      If you're going to come to live to my territory then live according to my way of life.

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    2. ^ woah, complete change of subject. Now we're bringing Aboriginals into the picture.

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    3. I thought multiculturalism was allowing people to practice their own culture. Even though this dude is obviously a troll, I don't see how he is imposing his views on others by ignoring someone who holds different values from him. It's not like he is fucking forcing her to be with him. If anything, I feel she should leave this dude (assuming this was actually the case). The whole point of multiculturalism is encouraging a cultural mosaic with a variety of different views rather than a melting pot viewpoint where there is "one culture" as far as I know. I might be wrong as I am an immigrant and I guess I should also leave Canada since I don't drink beer or party and have somehow "imposed" my views on others by declining invitations to parties...

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  14. Just a troll, nothing to see here folks.

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  15. If this is serious, OP is horribly hypocritical... I hope his next girlfriend rejects and humiliates him when she finds out he had sex with his first gf.

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  16. This has to be a troll. Nobody says ERTW unironically anymore.

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    Replies
    1. Without Googling, what is ERTW?

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    2. Engineers Rule The World

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    3. It's really Engineers rarely touch women

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  17. TOO BAD OP IS A USED WHORE
    now that you have had sex your worthless - might as well strangle yourself since girls will be too embarrassed to introduce you to their parents.

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    Replies
    1. Lol, he won't be telling them he's not a virgin (if he thinks they expect him to be).

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  18. Damn enginegros

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  19. (I mean what kind of self-respecting woman has sex with more than one man????).
    >>>>>>>>>>>>> lol

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  20. LOL @ ERTW

    douchebag alert right off the bat, thanks for saving me the trouble of reading your shitty post

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  21. Obvious troll is obvious

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  22. at least she didn't have salami nipples

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  23. OP just walk in, slap her, kiss her, then you gotta open the door, get on the floor and walk the dinosaur...also careful not to spill your spaghetti...that would be a shame

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  24. A troll or not, I can't express how proud all these open-minded comments make me feel right now.. of being a UW student, and being born in today's generation. It restores my faith in the current generation and gives me so much hope for future. Thanks for this post, OP.

    All of you amazing people are just.. awesome.

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    Replies
    1. I'm surprised that you find the comments to be open-minded.

      I also support people having multiple sexual partners in their lifetime, but this is by far the most popular opinion of our generation. Although OP's wording is harsher than needed, this post just goes to show how close-minded we are to others' opinions.

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  25. Trolololololololo.
    Nicely done OP

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  26. "I think that she should have told me that she was not a virgin before we had sex"

    This little enigma right here.

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    Replies
    1. Quite the enigma indeed.

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  27. Hey OP, if you value virginity, why did you have sex with her in the first place? Did it ever occur to you that you might not be the guy she marries one day? If it's important for you to have sex with someone who is a virgin, why didn't you protect her virginity so she would be a virgin for her future husband? I'm not judging, I'm pointing out how hypocritical you seem to be. By your standards you shouldn't have had sex with her because you two were simply dating.

    Also no one is "used goods." I hope you come to understand that before you start dating another girl.

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  28. I hope you realize that now, just like your girlfriend, you'll be having sex with more than one woman in your life. You don't deserve another woman. You're "used goods". Without your virginity, what are you worth now anyways? Your personality, intelligence, and hobbies don't mean a thing.

    So you know, don't ever have sex with anyone EVER again! You'll be a whore if you do!!!

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    1. Agreed. OP, I hope you plan to be honest with your next girlfriend and tell her you're not a virgin before you guys have sex so she can decide if she still wants you or if she'd rather 'dodge that bullet'.

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  29. There's no way this is real. It's just too ridiculous. Also no way a girl would touch a guy as sexist as this with a 10 foot pole.

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    Replies
    1. lol...You'd be surprised by how good looks will overcome such things...*sigh*

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  30. ... Satire? Not sure about what ... but it seems like satire....

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    Replies
    1. Not satire. Trollbait.

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  31. TROLL POST IS TROLLY

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  32. http://i.imgur.com/etjgJ2D.jpg

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  33. Come on OP, I'm sure you've sucked a dick or two.

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  34. WAIT!!!! YOU slept with her and that is OK... but she cant sleep with anyone else before you... Maybe I'm crazy but that sounds like one HUGE double standard. First keep it your pants and then maybe just maybe you have a leg to stand on, till then SHUT-UP!!!

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  35. Please buy a one-way ticket back to wherever you're from.

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  36. It all depends... was her bf an animal... or not?

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  37. you are a desperate whore.. and you expect your gf to be a faithful virgin.. good luck in life.

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  38. Haahaahaaaa, good troll OP, I was amused.

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