OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Tuesday, June 17

#6691

QUESTION: I got really really drunk a few nights ago and made out with someone at a club. I've been in a long distance relationship for quite a while and I feel like this is something I should tell my s/o. I've never done anything like this before and don't even remember doing it. I only know because one of my friends told me once I was sober. 

How do I bring this up?  Guys out there, do you think this could justify breaking up with someone? I'm so disappointed in myself.

33 comments

  1. I almost feel like I know you. Were you on a scavenger hunt at Stampede Ranch in Guelph on Saturday the 14th? If not, my apologizes. (Buddy of mine made out for a brief minute or so with a bride to be. No joke.)

    I would just tell your SO the truth and how it had happened. Just tell him that you have something to come clean with and let him decide the fate of your relationship.

    In all honesty, it really depends on the guy. I don't think it would be justifiable for a breakup since there are worse things that could be done, but if it happens again, then I would really reconsider the relationship.

    Either way, the ball will be in his court once you tell him. Better to tell the truth and hide it. The more time you keep this from him, the more hurt he is going to get.

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    1. Sorry, I meant better tell him than hide it....

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  2. Oh no! I know a lot of people on here are going to tell you you're a terrible person and deserve him dumping you, and to be fair they're probably right. But that still sucks for you OP. If you never had the intention or desire to kiss anyone else then it was just a drunken mistake. I hope you guys figure it out but long distance can be hard. He may not be able to trust you, knowing you're going out drinking with the same group of friends and it could happen again. At least being honest with him right away would probably be the best idea so he doesn't think you've been hiding it and are only telling him before someone else does. I hope you figure it out together because it would suck to have a great relationship ruined over a meaningless, drunken kiss that you didn't want in the first place. Good luck, and I'm sorry for you. I hope he's not heartbroken.

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    1. I'm a dude, I'll tell you right now I wouldn't give a FUCK if it was a 'drunken mistake' that she 'didn't want'.

      Take some fucking responsibility for your actions, tell this guy so he can dump your ass and find someone who actually cares about him.

      Plus, I need some new sluts to have drunken mistakes with, but I'd never intrude on a relationship. Break up.

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  3. could be worse

    i know someone who was dating a nice girl who went on co-op some term and he just went ahead and slept with some girl he picked up at a club

    i don't think his gf ever found out about it

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    1. Are they still together?

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  4. tell him.
    if you don't, you'll feel guilty forever.
    honestly, I think forgiveness and fighting builds a stronger relationship (even though it sucks right now).
    do you want to be with a guy who will never let you make mistakes?

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    1. You think the guy will want to be with a fucking cheater?

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  5. First of all, she didn't go home with someone, didn't put herself in a position where she could have had sex with them (going home with, being alone with, leaving her friends with, etc), and is obviously guilty about it. She didn't cheat on him in the technical sense and obviously isn't emotionally cheating since she feels bad and doesn't think about kissing people.

    Yes, you got too drunk OP and allowed yourself to get carried away. No that doesn't make you a cheater or a horrible person. I would tell your s/o and be as direct and clear as possible. Let your feelings on it show. Yes its might be a big deal to them, but its a much bigger deal if you don't tell them and they find out.

    For everyone else, grow up. Things happen. Cheaters are people who make conscious decisions to sleep around, who manipulate and lie, and then don't feel guilty enough to tell their s/o's. This is someone who is guilty and likely now hates herself a little bit. A lot of these comments just make me think the commentators are trash.

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    1. I "accidentally" took a peek at my buddy's assignment and then felt really guilty about it afterwards. I guess I'm not a cheater though

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    2. Exactly my point, though I don't think that was your intention. Unless you actually copied the assignment you didn't cheat. Also, accidentally glancing is very different from making the decision to steal someone's answers.

      Good try though.

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    3. Sounds like something coming from someone who has done this before. It's cheating. I don't care how much alcohol is involved.

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    4. +1 @ 5c

      Stop trying to justify this. Yes she feels guilty and sorry for what shes done but she's still done something. Thats still cheating. If my boyfriend kissed another girl no matter the circumstance I would consider it cheating. Yes there are different degrees to it I guess that you treat differently but it's still all falls under the umbrella of "cheating".

      To use your silly analogy, if you look at a friends paper by accident and see he's written an answer you didn't know to a question and you put it in your test that counts as cheating. Even if you didn't mean to look. Even if you didn't copy the whole paper.

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  6. As for how do you bring it up, try something like, "Hey, I have something to tell you. I made a mistake the other night, and my friends told me that while I was extremely drunk at a club, I made out with someone. I don't remember it, I don't want to do it again, and I feel horrible for having done it in the first place. I wanted to tell you because I think in your place, I'd want to know. I'm so very sorry."

    As for whether it would be something that's cause for a break up...that's trickier. It depends on the person you are with, and how forgiving they are. I would forgive them eventually, but I would also keep doubting what's wrong with me for much longer, and what I couldn't offer that led to the other person doing something like that. I won't think they'll do it again; it's not going to be as though I'll fretting about it every time she goes clubbing with friends, but I'll internalize it. But that's just me.

    It really does depend on the person. I do believe you have to tell him though. Not only will the guilt and regret eat up at you and the relationship, but it's fair. Let him decide, and make sure you get it across how sorry you are.

    I hope everything turns out well for you :)

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    1. Something else I might add: long distance relationships suck. I was in one for years. Oceans between us. You think you'd get used to it, but eventually, the lack of physical intimacy in our relationship got to me. That might be a factor in your S/O's decision too; they might think that you want something what they cannot give right now, and in a drunken state, you lost the control that you usually have over that desire. Forgiveness in that case might be more difficult to give, since that speaks to the state of the relationship itself then.

      Also, do think carefully about whether that actually could have been the case.

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  7. The social constructs are heavy in this thread.

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  8. I can tell you feel bad from this post, but honestly if I were out, all I think about is my S/O (More likely I'm a little sad they're not there with me)

    No matter how drunk I get, I don't believe I'll be inclined to kiss someone else. I already have someone, what use is another?

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  9. I did this in first year, except it went a little further. I never told him and we continued dating for 3 more years. I will never tell him. It's totally your decision but if you trust that it won't happen again and that he will actually never find out, why put him through it?

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    1. IN your first year or in your first year of your relationship?

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    2. In my first year of university, 3rd year of my relationship

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    3. I can't imagine being with someone for SIX years and keeping that secret for half of it. You'd think you could tell someone you've been dating that long anything. And on the flip side that you could trust that other person completely. Guess not.

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  10. I say don't tell him, what he doesn't know can't hurt him. Make sure that your friends don't blab.

    What if your friends are lying that you made out with someone just to mess with you? If your friend did see you why didn't they stop you from kissing the person once they saw you (the friend must have known that you were in a relationship)

    Now the other side:
    You were are responsible for your own actions, YOU got drunk on your own accord and decided to take this step. Clearly you wanted to do something for you to go and make out with the person. If you were really committed, I'm pretty sure even bring drunk would have stopped you because you would be thinking of that person.

    If you do tell him sure you will be guilt free, but do you think the same level of trust is still going to be in your relationship? Nope. He might forgive you but won't look at you the same way again, something in the back of his head constantly bothering him that you can't trusted when you go and party and get drunk. It was a kiss now....but what if it escalates to something more.

    Either way you are screwed and he will have the upper hand in the relationship no matter what you say or do.

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  11. You know the phrase "drunk words are sober thoughts"? I truly believe that. I also think it is applicable to actions. You clearly didn't care about him enough to remember him when you were being a horny drunk. Break up. It's now or later.

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    1. One time while drunk I told my friends friend I loved him. LOVED him. And was adamant about it. I have never had feelings for the guy and have never since then. Not even attracted to him. Obviously this has nothing to do with cheating, I'm just going to point out that what you do and say when you're drunk doesn't actually reflect your sober thoughts and feelings reliably.

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  12. Generic posts like these always worry anyone that is 'in a long distance relationship for quite a while'. Save them the trouble and post some updates on what you have done so far OP

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    1. bf is working in the us, we're going to skype on friday or saturday, i'll tell him then. these are all the details i'm going to give for anonymity. i'll probably get dumped and i'm now expecting this, we have mutual friends who were with me last week, if i don't tell him they will

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  13. U gonna get dumped

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  14. Please tell him OP, he deserves to know.

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  15. I was in this same situation recently. I am deeply committed in my relationship but after I don't even know how many shots and drinks I ended up making out with a guy. I have no intentions of straying from my relationship when sober and my partner knows this. When I told him (because you have to if you are serious about this or else what's the point really) he understood and forgave me. I suppose it all depends on the trust in the relationship.
    While I generally support the "alcohol is no excuse" perspective, there are definitely exceptions. Cheating on my babe is the last thing I would want to do yet there I was with some slimy creeper, completely wasted out of my mind.

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  16. SO MUCH WRITING

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  17. oh god such fairytale perspectives. Your boyfriend's going to forgive you and he's probably done the same thing. welcome to life

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  18. So OP, how'd he take it?

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