OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Tuesday, April 29

#6399

QUESTION: What makes someone marriage material? I.e., what are traits or behaviors that would be an indication to spend the rest of your life with someone?

33 comments

  1. Not having an argumentative or vindictive nature, generally compatible and similar, trusting and loyal, all that good stuff.

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  2. In general:

    - Average looks
    - Emotionally stable, kind, and open
    - Have respect for both themselves and other people
    - In a STEM program

    I don't think this is too hard to find, but it's hard to get to know someone to the level where you find out if they are all of these things. I'm not big on looks, but I'm picky about who they are on the inside.

    - Asian female

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  3. Male version of me

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    1. Describe yourself, maybe I fit the bill...

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    2. I'm looking for a female version of me...

      Physically fit (able to do 10k runs, play sports for 4+ hours etc.)
      Mentally acute (80+ avg, passionate about knowledge)
      Socially apt (has stuff planned every-weekend)
      Outdoor lover (hikes, walks, kayaking, camping at least twice a month)
      Technically savvy (.. i'm fine with at least able to understand coding or avoid viruses)
      Decently hot (i'd describe myself as 8/10)
      doesn't mind giving up all tv (I don't watch anything)
      Enjoys board games (TI? Risk? Catan? all good!)
      Spiritually aware (willing to explore deep questions about the nature of our universe, human nature and souls)
      Fiscally responsible (this includes a degree of personal responsiblity as well - not just throwing money away on pointless activities unless they have realizable growth ex. going out for dinner with friends vs. a trashy bar)
      Cooking (i'm a decent cook and will try any food, but i enjoy surprises that are prepared well)

      Umm.. yeah...
      If you exist, let me know.

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    3. @3b Good luck there, fella.

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    4. 3 here: Male version of me would be very similar sense of humour (where they get certain jokes I find funny that I wouldn't expect others to) and finds humour to be very important in life. Interested in technology, programming, and learning in general. Very laid back. Agnostic or something close. Cute. Kind. Very likeable and decently sociable. Maybe has similar insecurities/flaws to mine too? (Haven't really thought this out so might be missing some important things but this is what comes to mind)

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    5. 3.b sounds boring as fuck, would not husband/ 10. also lmao cool stats, here are mine:

      10/10, CEOing 10k/ day, 190 lbs, shredded, 4.0 gpa, engineering and fiscally acute ... lmao

      gonna screenshot your post it's fucking jokes

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  4. Things I'd probably look for in a wife:

    -Attractive. Preferably 'cute', as hot tends to wear off after the infatuation stage.
    -Can have fun and a good sense of humour (not boring)
    -Responsible enough to help me raise children
    -Similar interests (kinda outdoorsy)
    -She should have a career that she enjoys and stimulates her
    -Can get along with friends and family
    -Enjoys expanding her knowledge (so we can learn stuff together)
    -Secular

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  5. By asking this question; it means you don't think your marriage material. Love yourself and others will. Everyone is looking for something but not at the same time. Translation no one knows what they want.

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    1. Or they could just be interested in what other people are looking for in their mates. This doesn't have to be an internal question.

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  6. Being married myself, and most of my friends are married, I would say the biggest thing is communication.

    No games, no tests, no encrypted messages, no silent treatment. You both have to be adults and express your emotions and you need to in a clear, non-abrasive way. Everything else mentioned (looks, interests,etc) will be irrelevant if you can't talk to each other.

    My husband and I rarely fight and when we do, it is resolved quickly because we are honest with each other. It is the only way to do it.

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    1. honest response. thank you! i will keep this in mind :)

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  7. There's a lot of person-specific things you can look for based on what's compatible with you, but IMO the most important thing is, can this person have a mature discussion about flaws or issues with their behaviour or the relationship itself? Can you tell them "hey bf, it sort of bugs me when you use that pet name for me" in a calm way and have them also be calm, laugh it off and listen to you? Or do they get defensive and refuse to ever consider your feelings? Basically -- can the person communicate and compromise within reason?

    My gf and I at first didn't have that down very well. She was too 'assertive' (aka would get very mad) about any issues and I was too passive. We had a lot of issues with fighting too much because of the friction that caused. But we both were dedicated to working on it because we had a great thing together otherwise, and now our communication skills are great. Obviously sometimes someone will be grumpy and a little snappy, or whatever, that's life, but now we can just talk about our issues or hurt feelings when it happens accidentally. We can be honest with each other. I don't know for sure that we'll be together forever, but from where I sit now it certainly looks like it, and it's been a few years already. :)

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  8. Well-bred

    Beautiful

    From an English or Austrian background

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    1. I don't know why but this description made me think of horses...

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    2. Long live the nordic race! Heil!

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  9. Someone who...
    - I can live well with, who takes as much pride in our home as I do.
    - appreciates my efforts to take care of them and who wants to take care of me.
    - loves me and understands me enough to not try to talk me out of my craziness when I get in a mood.
    - I can talk to for hours, or curl up next to and say nothing for a whole day.

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  10. Honesty, respect, congruent life plan, and wanting to be together. Having each other's best interests at heart, and willingness to compromise. Knowing you are on the same page from honest communication. From someone who is married.

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  11. Personality is important. They have to have a good sense of humour and make me laugh since looks fade and we're both gonna be old and wrinkly anyways. Also, they have to be responsible, and be willing to do chores.

    I don't mind cooking every night for my husband, but if I end up doing all the chores AND working, then something is definitely off. They have to be willing to take responsibilities, as well as be able to compromise and be honest. I also prefer someone with similar interests and background as me (non-religious, two kids, etc.)

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  12. 1. University level education
    2. Compatibility (cleanliness, must want children)
    3. Caring & loyal (must never cheat)

    This is going to sound shallow and judgemental but, his parents must have never divorced, his father must have never cheated on his mom. This isn't fair, but apples really don't fall far from trees

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    1. So my husband is doomed to be a mentally ill alcoholic? Great. I better let him know.

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    2. In that case you need to look at your parents to see your own flaws. Bet you're gonna think "but I'm nothing like them…"

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    3. I fit all of your categories, is there a prize or sumsing?

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    4. Not with things like this OP. Actually, 12a's alcoholism is more likely to be genetically carried on.

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  13. doesn't want kids, wants sex 20 times a day, willing to engage in all kinds of deviant sex

    oh and they gotta love travelling

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  14. A sheep herder with lots of sexy sexy sheep

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    1. will you take a lioness with a very sinful pride?

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  15. Someone who...

    1. Knows who he is and what he wants; and is not shaken by other people's opinions of him. High level of self awareness, and independence.

    2.Respects and trusts me enough to give me space; but always there for me when I need it.

    3. Listens without judging. Supports without solving my own problems for me.

    4. Direct and straightforward with me, no games.

    5. Complex, deep, quick witted and unpredictable-never failing to surprise me.

    6. Listens without judging. Sees me as I am and accepts me for it; flaws and all. Someone I can be vulnerable with.

    7. No matter how many times we argue or how bad things get, will never give up on us.

    8. I don't really care about appearances that much as long he's not ugly or fat. A good sense of style, aesthetics is a plus, but not really that important.


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