I think it was a gradual process.. I eventually realised everyone has just been conditioned to have beliefs. I realised even that the belief of no God is still a belief, and is part of ones conditioning. So the question was, what is real outside of belief?
The fact that it's an unprovable concept, that everyone has a different definition of god, and that there are so many religions in the world that claim to be the only true one with the only real book of god.
I'm a deist, but I was raised a Chrisitian. It is just highly unlikely there is a just and moral God in a world with so much suffering and cruelty. The idea of a creator that initiated the big bang appeals to me though.
I guess I got sick of being made to feel like an inferior creature because of my sex. Being held back in every aspect of life. Not being allowed to question my religion. There were just so many holes. Yet everyone just silenced me.
I didn't stop believing in god, because I never started to begin with. The concept was never taught to me as a child, and it just seemed silly to me when I finally learned about it.
High school. The mix of learning total bullshit in religion class (for example porn is the worst thing the world and you should be ashamed if you watch it) and then learning about science and the knowledge and research behind it made me realize a deity does not exist. I've been happier since.
I was raised in the church and I think as a child I thought it was a game. I didn't realize people took the stories seriously.
It wasn't until I was a pre-teen at overnight church camp when I realized I didn't 'believe' like everyone else. They really pressured us to have 'spiritual' moments by the end of the week and kids would be crying from the 'amazing presence of god' that they could feel when we would do prayer circles. And I sat there feeling like I was surrounded by nut cases.
But, that being said...I am still glad I was raised in the church. I may not believe in the Christian god, or any god really, but I learned a lot of valuable lessons about forgiveness and love. And our church was fairly open minded too so I didn't get all the sexist, homophobic crap some churches spew.
I had similar experiences in terms of not having the same spiritual moments as fellow attendees at events. I wouldn't say that I felt as if I was surrounded by nut cases, though.I just felt disconnected. But I definitely miss the sense of community that goes along with being part of a church. My parents had really good friends that they haven't spoken to for years since they stopped attending church. And through the youth group I went to with friends, I met a lot of great people. But it's been so long that I will cross paths with them when I'm back at home and don't know what to say or whether they remember me. My youth pastor also once mentioned during a meeting that girls should dress modestly to avoid tempting men. That through me for a loop when I compared it to all the things I had been learning in school and my personal perspective that I was developing. The whole concept of the man having to be the spiritual head of the house is disconcerting to me too.
For me I never believed in god growing up, always liked science/math which to me just meant being atheist. Then in highschool I noticed some of my friends and science teachers were religious and I wondered how it could be true. Then I took some time to actually give it a chance and I dunno the teachings just kinda resonated with me. Kind of the opposite of what the thread is asking but just thought i'd offer some contrast.
Sorry I can see how it's kinda vague but my views aren't really set in stone at this point. To expand on what I said basically I grew up believing that you either believed in religion or science (at one point I was the kind of guy you'd find on r/atheism). After some time in highschool talking to my religious friends and seeing how even my biology teacher who was a firm supporter of evolution was religious I decided to actually explore it and give it a chance. I found that science and religion don't necessarily have to be mutually exclusive and I read some of St. Aquinas proofs for god and basically realized that the whole topic was more complicated than I originally thought. The part about the teachings resonating with me is more of a personal thing but I just kinda found that the things taught about human nature at least have all seemed to be true about myself. I don't really identify by a religion yet but I definitely lean more towards the theism than atheism now.
While I wouldn't go far to say that I stopped believing in God, religion as a whole did receive a good kick to the teeth during high school. It was a change in times for me that was coupled with a major family death, bullying, another family member suffering, and a personal shift towards a liberal state of mind. During those events, I questioned my faith and why would there be so much suffering when there shouldn't be and why some people were taken away from us. Eventually, my church going days dropped (Last year was the first time I never went to church period), and I started to live more for the good of myself and to experience as much as I can in a never guaranteed life.
Never believed in the first place. I believe in being compassionate, and loving and happy, and that life is short and we must make the most of it. But I don't believe in god (not capitalized on purpose.)
I come from a not very religious (originally) Christian family. Pretty much stopped believing in it as soon as I learned of evolution. Seemed like the more logical explanation to me. Also, my parents are both atheist/agnostic so they never really forced religion onto me.
I was raised in the Catholic church. I don't think I've totally stopped believing in god per se, but I have given up a lot on the Catholic church. I found it to be very hypocritical.
How can you preach of the importance of giving to the poor and needy and yet host masses in buildings that require thousands of dollars of maintenance and have expensive, unnecessary decor? (At least my parish did)
Also, I realized that my mother (although she will never admit to this) only goes to church because it is a social event to her. If she doesn't go she knows that the other women who are overly involved will gossip about her. Too many members only go to church to "see and be seen" So it just all seems to be a game of who's the best to me and I ain't bout dat life.
I know that other Catholics may not agree with me and I totally get that. I'm just contributing my own input about how my personal parish operates and has really torn me away from the idea of god.
AHHAHAH! My parents are the same! I always called church "the fashion show", because they go to show off their clothes, children and be seen so they have a good reputation. The silliest game.
Well, the Church does talk about helping the poor, but if God is real it seems reasonable that we might also be willing to spend money to honour him. Also, a religion is not actually the same as a charitable organization; there are Catholic groups (Vincent de Paul society, Order of Malta) with the primary purpose of helping the poor, but that (very commendable activity) is not the main purpose of the Church. If there is no God, it would make more sense to join the Red Cross than a religion; but your reasoning for leaving the church seems to presume already that there is no God, or that he exists but praising him is unimportant.
About the fashion show: probably quite fair criticism. One thing I would say though: those are hypocritical MEMBERS of the Church, who even you might agree aren't entirely following its teachings.
Sounds like my synagogue. Raised jewish, now atheist. The only reason people went was to show off their new suit, gucci or prada handbag, and new maserati and who donated the most. It was ridiculous. 16 year old kids at the synagogue drive nicer cars than my parents ever will.
When I was about 14 years old I spent a lot of time on IRC. Sometimes the concept of religion would come up. Some of these people I would talk to over PM about this stuff, and of course the newly converted athiests would proselytize at me. One of these people asked me why I believed in god, and I didn't have a good response.
So since then, I've been agnostic. Because I don't really have a good reason to believe in a god. On the other hand, I haven't seen any evidence that an omnipresent, omnipotent being *can't* exist. Indeed, if you subscribe to the whole Church-Turing thesis, you could very easily argue that God is the program that runs the universe. I still feel kinda awed by... reality.
I prefer religious people even though I'm an atheist. Most Atheists aren't really atheists, they still worship something like "mother-earth" or have some stupid pagan ritualistic nonsense they hold on to. New-agers are just as bad as religious people, don't buy into the hype. REAL atheism is not rebelling against god, it's making the question of god irrelevant. Christianity was actually a big improvement to pagan superstitions of the past, Christianity is probably the first truly Atheist religion. There are very good readings of the Book of Job and Christ's death which affirm this if you're interested look into Slavoj Zizek and what he says about Christianity, how only an Atheist can be a good Christian.
Maliciousness aside, you're right. Babys and children are perhaps the most connected to the whole of reality than anyone - a beautiful unconditioned mind.
But I guess that's what life is.. getting rid of everything untrue like onion layers until you reach the end.. then whatever is left is truth.
Raised to have a free mind, and believe what I wanted to. God never made sense to me, science just explains everything too well in my opinion. If science proved God existed, I would be down for that, but until its done, I can't believe.
As a Christian, reading this makes me sad, for how much us as Christians have gotten wrong. I just want to put it out there, that God is so much bigger than all the stupid things humans do (myself included). And if you really want to know about God, you have to look to Him and not just to His broken people (though I wish that weren't true).
To look at Him is to look at oneself. If one were to look at the bible, one would only be reading broken people text brought to you from yours truly, humanity. The biggest answer "God" has is not an answer to any question. So the more we talk and think about "God" the more we get lost in an image that exists only in fantasies, because you don't have "God" like you have a car or a house, but you have "God" knowing you're not separate from anything.
You are raised to believe that if you do right, God will be kind to you. You do everything right, & god still kicks you to the curb. I'm not talking about wealth or family. I am talking about horrible things that nobody deserves to go through.
Sorry if I don't believe. If he is not all powerful, & not omnipresent, then why is he called God? The very definition of god is: the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being.
I never stopped believing. I was raised with Christianity, however my parents did give me the choice to accept it or not and I made the choice to get baptized as a teenager. While I'm not an avid church goer currently, I still feel that I have a spiritual side. My view on what god is has changed a lot with time but I am proud that I have found a balance between my lifestyle and my religion.
As for everyone that says that science taught them god doesn't exist, I know that the "evolution vs. creationism" is a major argument for whether god exists or not however believing in evolution and religion are not mutually exclusive. I identify as Christian, yet I am going to be doing my Masters thesis on evolution. Suck it bitches.
You see, this is alright. Really we don't know the final answers to where life came from. You can use religion to fill that knowledge gap, if you'd like.
But ask yourself, if one day we get that knowledge and evidence and it disagrees with your beliefs, would you be capable of changing them?
One answer makes you a scientist, the other makes you brainwashed.
Religious explanations for natural things have been going on a regression for sometime. Didn't know how lightning appears in thunderstorms? Goddidit. When we found how lightning worked, that was no longer necessary. Same thing with evolution. We didn't know how humans came here for a long time. Therefore, God. However evolution now explains this and renders God completely unnecessary for us to be here. Right now, the main focus for liberal theists is at the beginning of time (i.e. at the big bang). We currently don't know much about what happened at t=0 so most theists will say as they have for most of human history that Goddidit.
One only has to wonder how far it will go before it will be impossible to think of a God as being necessary in the formation of the universe. Of course there are things we don't know right now, but I prefer an agnostic position towards that, and in terms of the question of God, I'm an atheist unless some convincing evidence comes my way.
I was raised Catholic but I'm not sure I ever believed it. I mean obviously I just went along with it as a kid before I was able to critically think & form my own opinions, but I think even then, I sort of lumped it in with Santa and the Easter Bunny - just rituals people do. As I grew up I got really into science. I didn't like the really conservative views spouted by people at my church... that abortion was "worse than the children starving in Africa" (one crazy bitch literally said that, I am not exaggerating, although to be fair she was a guest speaker and not actually a patron of my church). One guy (who was a patron) thought Harry Potter was evil because it made kids believe in magic instead of God. Stuff like that. It all seemed sort of creepy to me as I got older. And I had a very real fear of Hell back when I hadn't firmly decided I was an atheist. It gave me a lot of anxiety. I had some emotional troubles because of being bullied and having low self-esteem and I thought some of these things (hating myself) meant I would go to hell for hating God's creation. This is the shit they taught me, and it made it really hard to engage fully with the idea that it was all incorrect. Because I didn't really believe, I thought it was all made-up, but THAT is the ultimate sin if you ask the deacon at my church - disbelief - turning away from God. Now I was REALLY going to burn in hell if I was wrong, what a fucking gamble to take, right?
But I kept growing up, kept learning about science, met people from different religions and from no religion. Would ALL THOSE PEOPLE who just HAPPENED to be born in Saudi Arabia, for example, burn in hell just because they never decided to believe in the "right" God? In a way I sort of wanted to believe because it was very complicated and emotionally difficult to think of not believing... but I knew in my heart that I just DIDN'T. You can't FORCE yourself to believe in something. I can't just tell myself I'll win the lottery tomorrow and believe it with all my heart - I'm going to still try to find a job. You know what I mean?
It was pretty gradual from there. The more I learned, talked with others, and grew as a person, the more I rejected the idea of God, and the more bitter I felt towards the way the church tried to groom all the young people into following this creepy and destructive cult-like way of life.
bad shit happen to good people and innocent children for no reason
ReplyDeleteScience class in highschool
ReplyDeleteI think it was a gradual process.. I eventually realised everyone has just been conditioned to have beliefs. I realised even that the belief of no God is still a belief, and is part of ones conditioning. So the question was, what is real outside of belief?
ReplyDeleteThe fact that it's an unprovable concept, that everyone has a different definition of god, and that there are so many religions in the world that claim to be the only true one with the only real book of god.
ReplyDeleteI'm a deist, but I was raised a Chrisitian. It is just highly unlikely there is a just and moral God in a world with so much suffering and cruelty. The idea of a creator that initiated the big bang appeals to me though.
ReplyDeleteYOU WILL BOW DOWN TO THE GOD OF MEMBRANE THEORY
DeleteI guess I got sick of being made to feel like an inferior creature because of my sex. Being held back in every aspect of life. Not being allowed to question my religion. There were just so many holes. Yet everyone just silenced me.
ReplyDeleteThat's one of the worst. I'm sorry to hear
DeleteI feel like were all just playing a losing game. I mean who's right and wrong?
ReplyDeleteI didn't stop believing in god, because I never started to begin with. The concept was never taught to me as a child, and it just seemed silly to me when I finally learned about it.
ReplyDelete+1
Deletesame
Deletethis
DeleteI don't know, but I stopped believing in people after I came to university.
ReplyDelete+1
DeleteHigh school. The mix of learning total bullshit in religion class (for example porn is the worst thing the world and you should be ashamed if you watch it) and then learning about science and the knowledge and research behind it made me realize a deity does not exist. I've been happier since.
ReplyDeleteI was raised in the church and I think as a child I thought it was a game. I didn't realize people took the stories seriously.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't until I was a pre-teen at overnight church camp when I realized I didn't 'believe' like everyone else. They really pressured us to have 'spiritual' moments by the end of the week and kids would be crying from the 'amazing presence of god' that they could feel when we would do prayer circles. And I sat there feeling like I was surrounded by nut cases.
But, that being said...I am still glad I was raised in the church. I may not believe in the Christian god, or any god really, but I learned a lot of valuable lessons about forgiveness and love. And our church was fairly open minded too so I didn't get all the sexist, homophobic crap some churches spew.
I had similar experiences in terms of not having the same spiritual moments as fellow attendees at events. I wouldn't say that I felt as if I was surrounded by nut cases, though.I just felt disconnected.
DeleteBut I definitely miss the sense of community that goes along with being part of a church. My parents had really good friends that they haven't spoken to for years since they stopped attending church. And through the youth group I went to with friends, I met a lot of great people. But it's been so long that I will cross paths with them when I'm back at home and don't know what to say or whether they remember me.
My youth pastor also once mentioned during a meeting that girls should dress modestly to avoid tempting men. That through me for a loop when I compared it to all the things I had been learning in school and my personal perspective that I was developing. The whole concept of the man having to be the spiritual head of the house is disconcerting to me too.
Trying to analyze and rationalize everything I encountered on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteLogic. Rationality. Common sense. Not mindlessly accepting everything that I was told.
ReplyDeletereligion. ha
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteWhen horrible things happen to you & your family even though you have done nothing but right in your life ...
ReplyDeleteFor me I never believed in god growing up, always liked science/math which to me just meant being atheist. Then in highschool I noticed some of my friends and science teachers were religious and I wondered how it could be true. Then I took some time to actually give it a chance and I dunno the teachings just kinda resonated with me. Kind of the opposite of what the thread is asking but just thought i'd offer some contrast.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't really touch on your views. I don't understand what you're saying. Could you expand?
Delete@16.a
DeleteSorry I can see how it's kinda vague but my views aren't really set in stone at this point. To expand on what I said basically I grew up believing that you either believed in religion or science (at one point I was the kind of guy you'd find on r/atheism). After some time in highschool talking to my religious friends and seeing how even my biology teacher who was a firm supporter of evolution was religious I decided to actually explore it and give it a chance. I found that science and religion don't necessarily have to be mutually exclusive and I read some of St. Aquinas proofs for god and basically realized that the whole topic was more complicated than I originally thought. The part about the teachings resonating with me is more of a personal thing but I just kinda found that the things taught about human nature at least have all seemed to be true about myself. I don't really identify by a religion yet but I definitely lean more towards the theism than atheism now.
While I wouldn't go far to say that I stopped believing in God, religion as a whole did receive a good kick to the teeth during high school. It was a change in times for me that was coupled with a major family death, bullying, another family member suffering, and a personal shift towards a liberal state of mind. During those events, I questioned my faith and why would there be so much suffering when there shouldn't be and why some people were taken away from us. Eventually, my church going days dropped (Last year was the first time I never went to church period), and I started to live more for the good of myself and to experience as much as I can in a never guaranteed life.
ReplyDeletelol infidels
ReplyDelete+1
DeleteBorn and raised atheist :)
ReplyDeleteReason
ReplyDeleteNever believed in the first place. I believe in being compassionate, and loving and happy, and that life is short and we must make the most of it. But I don't believe in god (not capitalized on purpose.)
ReplyDeleteI come from a not very religious (originally) Christian family. Pretty much stopped believing in it as soon as I learned of evolution. Seemed like the more logical explanation to me. Also, my parents are both atheist/agnostic so they never really forced religion onto me.
ReplyDeleteI was raised in the Catholic church. I don't think I've totally stopped believing in god per se, but I have given up a lot on the Catholic church. I found it to be very hypocritical.
ReplyDeleteHow can you preach of the importance of giving to the poor and needy and yet host masses in buildings that require thousands of dollars of maintenance and have expensive, unnecessary decor? (At least my parish did)
Also, I realized that my mother (although she will never admit to this) only goes to church because it is a social event to her. If she doesn't go she knows that the other women who are overly involved will gossip about her. Too many members only go to church to "see and be seen" So it just all seems to be a game of who's the best to me and I ain't bout dat life.
I know that other Catholics may not agree with me and I totally get that. I'm just contributing my own input about how my personal parish operates and has really torn me away from the idea of god.
So perhaps I need to explore different options!
AHHAHAH! My parents are the same! I always called church "the fashion show", because they go to show off their clothes, children and be seen so they have a good reputation. The silliest game.
DeleteWell, the Church does talk about helping the poor, but if God is real it seems reasonable that we might also be willing to spend money to honour him. Also, a religion is not actually the same as a charitable organization; there are Catholic groups (Vincent de Paul society, Order of Malta) with the primary purpose of helping the poor, but that (very commendable activity) is not the main purpose of the Church. If there is no God, it would make more sense to join the Red Cross than a religion; but your reasoning for leaving the church seems to presume already that there is no God, or that he exists but praising him is unimportant.
DeleteAbout the fashion show: probably quite fair criticism. One thing I would say though: those are hypocritical MEMBERS of the Church, who even you might agree aren't entirely following its teachings.
Sounds like my synagogue. Raised jewish, now atheist. The only reason people went was to show off their new suit, gucci or prada handbag, and new maserati and who donated the most. It was ridiculous. 16 year old kids at the synagogue drive nicer cars than my parents ever will.
DeleteRebecca Black's "Friday". No god would let that happen.
ReplyDeleteNickelback
Delete+1
DeleteThere are millions of gods. I realized one day, I couldn't justify believing in my god when I couldn't give any reason to NOT believe in the others.
ReplyDeleteEverybody is an atheist. Believers, you already don't believe in gods, and I just believe in one less than you do.
Good point
DeleteWhen my little cousin was raped I figured people were fucking delusional if they believed that shit.
ReplyDelete:(
DeleteWhen I was about 14 years old I spent a lot of time on IRC. Sometimes the concept of religion would come up. Some of these people I would talk to over PM about this stuff, and of course the newly converted athiests would proselytize at me. One of these people asked me why I believed in god, and I didn't have a good response.
ReplyDeleteSo since then, I've been agnostic. Because I don't really have a good reason to believe in a god. On the other hand, I haven't seen any evidence that an omnipresent, omnipotent being *can't* exist. Indeed, if you subscribe to the whole Church-Turing thesis, you could very easily argue that God is the program that runs the universe. I still feel kinda awed by... reality.
Omnipotence on its own is a contradiction.
DeleteCant god create a rock so heavy even he cant lift it?
I prefer religious people even though I'm an atheist. Most Atheists aren't really atheists, they still worship something like "mother-earth" or have some stupid pagan ritualistic nonsense they hold on to. New-agers are just as bad as religious people, don't buy into the hype. REAL atheism is not rebelling against god, it's making the question of god irrelevant. Christianity was actually a big improvement to pagan superstitions of the past, Christianity is probably the first truly Atheist religion. There are very good readings of the Book of Job and Christ's death which affirm this if you're interested look into Slavoj Zizek and what he says about Christianity, how only an Atheist can be a good Christian.
ReplyDeleteMaliciousness aside, you're right. Babys and children are perhaps the most connected to the whole of reality than anyone - a beautiful unconditioned mind.
DeleteBut I guess that's what life is.. getting rid of everything untrue like onion layers until you reach the end.. then whatever is left is truth.
Zizek is a crass buffoon. I really can't take him seriously
Deletescience and logic
ReplyDeleteRaised to have a free mind, and believe what I wanted to. God never made sense to me, science just explains everything too well in my opinion. If science proved God existed, I would be down for that, but until its done, I can't believe.
ReplyDeleteAs a Christian, reading this makes me sad, for how much us as Christians have gotten wrong. I just want to put it out there, that God is so much bigger than all the stupid things humans do (myself included). And if you really want to know about God, you have to look to Him and not just to His broken people (though I wish that weren't true).
ReplyDeleteTo look at Him is to look at oneself. If one were to look at the bible, one would only be reading broken people text brought to you from yours truly, humanity. The biggest answer "God" has is not an answer to any question. So the more we talk and think about "God" the more we get lost in an image that exists only in fantasies, because you don't have "God" like you have a car or a house, but you have "God" knowing you're not separate from anything.
DeleteYou are raised to believe that if you do right, God will be kind to you. You do everything right, & god still kicks you to the curb. I'm not talking about wealth or family. I am talking about horrible things that nobody deserves to go through.
DeleteSorry if I don't believe. If he is not all powerful, & not omnipresent, then why is he called God? The very definition of god is: the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being.
I see nothing supreme about him.
@31.b the idea is that God has supreme power but doesn't interfere that much (since we have free will and all).
DeleteChristians don't think those things come from God (although, yes, he lets them happen, because freedom)
the idea is absurd.
ReplyDeleteThis pretty much
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r-e2NDSTuE
sums it up real nice
DeleteI never stopped believing. I was raised with Christianity, however my parents did give me the choice to accept it or not and I made the choice to get baptized as a teenager. While I'm not an avid church goer currently, I still feel that I have a spiritual side.
ReplyDeleteMy view on what god is has changed a lot with time but I am proud that I have found a balance between my lifestyle and my religion.
As for everyone that says that science taught them god doesn't exist, I know that the "evolution vs. creationism" is a major argument for whether god exists or not however believing in evolution and religion are not mutually exclusive. I identify as Christian, yet I am going to be doing my Masters thesis on evolution. Suck it bitches.
You see, this is alright. Really we don't know the final answers to where life came from. You can use religion to fill that knowledge gap, if you'd like.
DeleteBut ask yourself, if one day we get that knowledge and evidence and it disagrees with your beliefs, would you be capable of changing them?
One answer makes you a scientist, the other makes you brainwashed.
Religious explanations for natural things have been going on a regression for sometime. Didn't know how lightning appears in thunderstorms? Goddidit. When we found how lightning worked, that was no longer necessary. Same thing with evolution. We didn't know how humans came here for a long time. Therefore, God. However evolution now explains this and renders God completely unnecessary for us to be here. Right now, the main focus for liberal theists is at the beginning of time (i.e. at the big bang). We currently don't know much about what happened at t=0 so most theists will say as they have for most of human history that Goddidit.
DeleteOne only has to wonder how far it will go before it will be impossible to think of a God as being necessary in the formation of the universe. Of course there are things we don't know right now, but I prefer an agnostic position towards that, and in terms of the question of God, I'm an atheist unless some convincing evidence comes my way.
I was raised Catholic but I'm not sure I ever believed it. I mean obviously I just went along with it as a kid before I was able to critically think & form my own opinions, but I think even then, I sort of lumped it in with Santa and the Easter Bunny - just rituals people do. As I grew up I got really into science. I didn't like the really conservative views spouted by people at my church... that abortion was "worse than the children starving in Africa" (one crazy bitch literally said that, I am not exaggerating, although to be fair she was a guest speaker and not actually a patron of my church). One guy (who was a patron) thought Harry Potter was evil because it made kids believe in magic instead of God. Stuff like that. It all seemed sort of creepy to me as I got older. And I had a very real fear of Hell back when I hadn't firmly decided I was an atheist. It gave me a lot of anxiety. I had some emotional troubles because of being bullied and having low self-esteem and I thought some of these things (hating myself) meant I would go to hell for hating God's creation. This is the shit they taught me, and it made it really hard to engage fully with the idea that it was all incorrect. Because I didn't really believe, I thought it was all made-up, but THAT is the ultimate sin if you ask the deacon at my church - disbelief - turning away from God. Now I was REALLY going to burn in hell if I was wrong, what a fucking gamble to take, right?
ReplyDeleteBut I kept growing up, kept learning about science, met people from different religions and from no religion. Would ALL THOSE PEOPLE who just HAPPENED to be born in Saudi Arabia, for example, burn in hell just because they never decided to believe in the "right" God? In a way I sort of wanted to believe because it was very complicated and emotionally difficult to think of not believing... but I knew in my heart that I just DIDN'T. You can't FORCE yourself to believe in something. I can't just tell myself I'll win the lottery tomorrow and believe it with all my heart - I'm going to still try to find a job. You know what I mean?
It was pretty gradual from there. The more I learned, talked with others, and grew as a person, the more I rejected the idea of God, and the more bitter I felt towards the way the church tried to groom all the young people into following this creepy and destructive cult-like way of life.