OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Tuesday, April 1

#6226

QUESTION: My SO and I are about to graduate soon and I can't help but feel a little bit dazed and lost. We both met first year in rez, and we've been together ever since- even when we were worried we might not be able to make it through our different co-op streams. Is there a book or relationship regulation for what to do for graduating couples from different cities?

We've joked about marriage, but never actually talked about it because we didn't really like the idea of making promises so young. Especially since we both don't have secure jobs and we're not even out of university yet. After university, do you try to make adjustments for your relationship or is it more important to do your own thing first? (masters, career, work, etc.) We've been putting off talking about our future plans for a while because we recognized that things can change, and sometimes making commitments too early might actually hurt us rather than keep us together (career-wise, moving, school, whatnot). We're hoping to be in it for the long-term, but I just don't want any decisions we make to be together to hold us back since we're still young and we don't know whether we'll be together forever, just yet. We love each other, but we just don't want to hold each other back because of our age.

Lol. I wasn't expecting to write this much- but any thoughts or advice? Or maybe even a story to help us figure it out? And he's my first, and he still makes me crazy about him.

7 comments

  1. I want this!!! Ah OP, sounds like you have something lovely going on! Don't let it go! Maybe both of you can apply for jobs in the same city and try living together (if your financial situation allows it). You two sounds like soul mates.

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  2. Only two ways this could end. Move in together and get married or break-up. Please don't break up!

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  3. Graduation is a very open-ended time. You have the luxury of actually saying "Do we want to plan our lives together instead of separately?" and acting on that. If you do, you'll have to make compromises, and yup, you might end up regretting the decision later. You need to ask yourselves if the possibilities what you're giving up is worth it. But you have to go and plan your lives anyway, so now's the time if you guys do want to try to be together in the far long term.

    If you're not ready for marriage, don't do it. Nothing wrong with a long-term unmarried relationship. Just keep your wits about you, figure out what you both want, and figure out how you can both get that while staying close!

    (and there's no reason you need to take a step like living together if you aren't ready for it. you can still plan to live close together)

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    1. I guess its different for everyone, but for me I feel like if you're not ready to live together then you may as well not make any special plans and if it works out then great. Its just such a non-step if you've been together for a long time that if you're not willing to go there then there may be no future there.

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  4. You can live together and not get married... lol.

    No reason to get married until you want to have kids.

    That being said, the question of what you are willing to sacrifice to be in the physical vicinity of your significant other is a personal decision and up to you. There is no right answer. You may choose to give up a job. Or you may choose to give up a significantly better job.

    But if you find jobs in other cities, with no plans to ever move geographically to the same location, you will break up. Period. Don't fool yourself.

    When my SO and I were finding jobs, I didn't even apply to anything outside of the geographical location we had decided we wanted to leave. I was willing to make that sacrifice. Worked out fine for me. I would take a less good job to be near my SO. I wouldn't judge you if you felt otherwise.

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    1. Woops - "we had decided we wanted to live*"

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  5. At this point, you have been together for 4+ years it sounds like (4 years of school + co-op). I think it is about damn time you talk about where you see this going. And you need to decide what is most important in your life: your career or your family. Because ultimately, if you decide to stick with him, he will become part of your family.

    Couples make sacrifices for each other all the time. I know lots of couples that did the long distance thing while finishing up grad school. Or that moved for the sake of one person's career. That is what love and commitment is.

    So talk about it. You don't have to have a firm answer yet. And you don't have to get engaged, but you owe it to each other to continue discussing what you are willing and not willing to do for the relationship or else one of you may end up getting crushed.

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