Updated on Monday, March 24
QUESTION: I'm an unattractive girl. Whenever I'm friendly (not flirty) to guys, they seem turned off and act like I'm about to make a move on them or something. By friendly I mean make small talk while we're eating, the occasional compliment on a project or something, nice things to move the conversation alone. I don't go out of my way to speak to specific guys or anything. Is this reaction normal?? I notice when my more attractive friends do the exact same thing, guys are warmer/more responsive to them, whereas I try super hard to keep a neutral tone as to not make the guy feel uncomfortable. Males, what do you think? What's your reaction when an ugly girl in your friend group initiates conversation with you? Do you think that she's so desperate for male attention that she's trying to get in your pants? I don't know what to think...
First two sentences, I immediately thought "dickless fuckers who are too thirsty for women well above their level". That's not even a thing between a guy and girl; it's the complete lack of appreciation for companionship. It's a weird world that Waterloo has around it.... With that being said, it's not normal at all. And it's also a given that guys would react more warmly towards your more attractive friends, but what you said in the 2nd sentence (if it is true and not exaggerated) just tells me right away that you're talking to cunts and not people.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the last part, no. When a PERSON initiates a convo, I react to the situation and convo, not how the person looks. BUT if you're attractive, I might be more interested. Just too many cunts in Waterloo that probably got bullied/shunned/nerded out during HS. Hard to find good people in Waterloo or maybe in general
tl;dr
DeleteI don't like to admit it, but I'm definitely guilty of this. When I think an unattractive girl is into me I act less warm. I think it's mostly because I don't want to give her the wrong idea. It has happened before as I'm usually a pretty warm person.
ReplyDeleteThis whole outlook is pretty conceited, I realize. I need to make an effort to combat it.
i talk just fine if they're unattractive, but once they initiate body contact, like even tapping me on the arm or something, i will be guarded so i dont give the wrong idea
ReplyDeleteWhat I am learning from this, if you are unattractive, never talk to anyone or be in contact with anyone.
ReplyDeleteJust keep yourselves, uglies.
4 only a noob would say something like dat.
DeleteThis post makes me sad.
ReplyDelete+1
DeleteOh man..i know what you mean. Because of this, sometimes I just avoid super hot people thinking that they wouldn't wanna talk to me or would think I am hitting on them.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a bad outlook on life though. I am trying to stop thinking like that :)
As a girl, I react this way around unattractive guys, so I can understand why guys might do it too. I used to just be really friendly with everyone when they talked to me but then they'd start flirting and complimenting me and ask to go out and I'd feel really awkward because I'm bad at rejecting guys. Now, I've become more guarded unfortunately. I'm completely comfortable though if they mention having a girlfriend or liking some other girl or something that shows me that they're not interested in me in that way.
ReplyDeleteI'm OP.
DeleteYeah, I think most attractive girls need to do this. I get where you're coming from.
I think what I'm trying to get at is that for me it's so hard to establish some initial comfortable contact with guys. Like nodding to them on the way to class, stopping in the hall to chat, asking about an assignment. I mean, I have friends who stop a guy, say hi, give them a hug, get their Facebook or number to work on an assignment... things like that. I don't go that far, but even so, guys usually become pretty cold to me. I'm not even looking for dating or anything like that. To be honest, it makes me feel pretty bad about myself. I get that I'm not a pretty face that you can look at, but is that it??
If context helps... I'm Asian and in AFM and the people I interact with are largely the same
DeleteI assume, OP, that the same thing doesn't happen when you interact with gals?
DeleteIf it makes you feel any better I don't think it completely has to do with attractiveness. Most of my friends consider me fairly good looking, however I can be awkward and quiet, so there are many male acquaintances I know who are not very friendly when I try to talk to them, I guess its just some kind of a vibe people get. I wouldn't overthink it too much OP
ReplyDeleteGuilty as fuck. I don't want to lead a girl on if I'm not interested. But if we find a common ground to talk about or something, and you turn out to be a pretty cool person to talk to, then I'm interested.
ReplyDeleteI thought the same thing about my girlfriend. Turned out we both loved Game of Thrones even before the television show. Now, I have no idea why I ever thought I wouldn't be into her. She's amazing.
Saf is pretty much douche-central, but I'll be your friend (even though I'm switching out math/ca haha), it sucks that you feel that way though, but like some of the people said, its not a reflection of you, its a reflection of the people you're around
ReplyDeleteyou just got booked ARUNNNNNNN S. but i agree with what you are saying.
Deletedont deem yourself as ugly. not everyone has brad pitt or jessica alba looks. we are who we are. dont deem yourself as ugly. just be you and accept yourself. and be friendly as you always are. guys would be fools to think otherwise.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you "ugly"? No one has to be ugly. Perhaps figure out our tell us why you think you are ugly and we can help? Not the best place but yknow.
ReplyDeleteI have done this multiple times. I am quite attractive (not trying to brag, just putting things in perspective), and un-attractive girls usually don't bother trying to get with me, but when they do, or I get they sense they like me, I turn very cold. I'm basically trying to prevent you from trying, because it won't happen anyway. Sometimes this doesn't work and I have to physically reject them, which is awkward.
ReplyDeleteCoward. Say it to them flat out. Men constantly bitch about being friendzoned or not being given clear signals yet you pull the same crap all the time.
DeleteYeah, some do bitch about being friend zoned, but I'm not one of them, because it doesn't happen to me. Plus, it's more entertaining this way. Hate if you want.
Deletedouchebag alert!
Delete^ Whatever helps you sleep at night.
DeleteDont worry OP, sucks being ugly (me too) but it is what it is i guess.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is normal, especially if you're of the romantic gender of interest of the other party.
ReplyDeleteAlso, guys can get away with this a lot more than women can because "they don't owe you anything," yet when chicks do the same thing she's suddenly a "total bitch." Sigh.
learn brospeak
ReplyDeleteGo to gym.
ReplyDelete+1000000000000000000000000000000000000000
DeleteIf you're fit and ugly, then ok. But get fit and ratings will fly up
I feel like I'm in a similar situation, only it's with almost anyone, not just very attractive people. Nobody ever seemed interested in talking, or engaged in a conversation if I'd try to start one. Got to the point where I felt as though nobody would like me, and I stopped liking myself. I don't bother trying to talk to people anymore, except as necessary for school and such, anymore. Nobody wants to connect with me and I can't really blame them.
ReplyDeleteI'm well aware looks are not my only problem, though.
Disregard dudes, acquire aesthetics. It's ok brah. Most ppl here are unbelievably fugly. Heck, I'm unbelievably fugly and I consider ok relative to many of the fugs I see on a regular basis. I'm sure you're not half bad looking, or at least not that much worse than the avg. Most people in general are very fug. Very few ppl stand out with insane aesthetics, but they all have one thing in common; great bodies brah. Brah, do you want it to always be this way? Bust your ass in the gym and get ridiculously fucking toned and do you want. Don't be sad, you're a sickass person, so be one. Stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself. You're gonna make it brah, I have faith in you.
ReplyDeletePlease rephrase 'brah' to 'girl' in the above paragraph...thx... :)