OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Friday, March 21

#7068

QUESTION: Is it just me or everyone thinks that its only natural to know someone before as good friends, then start liking them and slowly transition into a relationship? Why do we try to do the physical stuff first and then the emotional and personality check? I am a guy and as I grow old, I just think that I would want to be friends with my SO first and then want to turn that friendship into a relationship?

19 comments

  1. I don't understand any other way.

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  2. are you the person i'm seeing right now?

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    1. O.P here. I am not seeing anyone right now, so the answer to your question is no.

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  3. cuz instant gratification

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  4. It's called FRIEND ZONE. You want to build instant attraction, not be friends then get friend zoned, because that's how women think.

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    1. I don't know where you got this idea. I've seen plenty of couples who were friends for a while before they started dating.

      If you feel like you got "friend zoned" she probably wasn't attracted to you in the first place, yet you still feel like you're entitled to some sort of relationship because you're "a nice guy."

      Cut the bullshit.

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    2. #4, I know instantly whether someone is a 'maybe' or a 'nope, never'. By instantly I mean within the first time of meeting them. Guys seem to think that friendzoning is something that happens if you wait too long. I don't think this is true. I think you're either automatically in the friendzone, or you're automatically in the 'there's some sexual tension here' zone. Now if you make no moves and neither does she then sexual tension is worth nothing and she'll eventually find someone else to date, but also every girl is different. I, personally, find it actually a huge turn-off if someone is very outwardly flirty with me the first time they meet me, because I like very relaxed friendships and feeling like my SO is my best friend as well as my lover and partner.

      I agree more with 4a. If you were "friendzoned" she probably was just plain never attracted to you and never, ever saw you that way. Not because you didn't make a move but because you just didn't tickle her fancy that way.

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    3. ^ THIS.

      I know if I'm willing to sleep with you the moment I meet you. And the same is true of guys for women. So why the fuck do you think being nice to me is going to cause you to get laid when that's not true of your own behavior?

      It's fucking creepy and manipulative of dudes to try to maintain a "friendship" in the hopes that it will eventually get them laid. The worst being, when you invest a ton into said friendship but eventually get totally burned for doing so because as soon as you refuse sex the illusion shatters.

      Fuck you, asshole. There is no friendzone.

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    4. That is crap. I was good friends with my girlfriend for around a year before we started dating.

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    5. Too much truth that 4 is probably crying in the bathroom.........

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  5. Why not both? You think each other are attractive, so you fuck. Then you realize you like their personality too, so you date them

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  6. Because girls are hardwired to cycle through as many potential mates as quickly as possible in order to find the alpha male. Its evolution, women need to make babies, not have friends.

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    1. I... wat?

      Even if you're buying into full-on evolutionary mating theory, the evidence shows that women are much more selective about their mates due to necessity: need to ensure the impregnator bothers to stick around to invest in the child, which has a pretty high cost compared to other species.

      What you described was traditional male behavior. You should stop blaming your issues on women when what you literally just described is yourself.

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    2. Okay, go look up some stats about male vs female sexual partners, then come back.

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    3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO1ifNaNABY
      The economics of sex.

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  7. OP, you hit the nail on the head. Wish there were more people like you :)

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  8. O.P here -I was hoping for more of a discussion on this. I just don't see myself wasting time and money on someone I have know for a day or few hours or exchanged 10 messages. I guess what I am saying applies more to marriage material SO than hey I wanna have sex with you and just chill in my spare time.

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    1. Good luck. Trying to deliberately find it or letting it happen naturally, either way both roads are twisty as FUCK. But like 5 said, it starts with attraction and personality, but good luck with the other 90%.

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  9. I would date and have only ever dated people with whom I was friends first. I have never been properly attracted to someone whose personality was a mystery to me, so I can't see how any dating would work out if I didn't know them well to start.

    This is coming from a girl. I have probably "friendzoned" a fair few, but I've also dated 5 friends and am currently in a 2 year relationship with a friend.

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