1a. I'm 24 and I haven't had any type of sex drive in 2 years.:\
1b. That isn't ALL they do lol but it does happen. I worked at several nursing homes and I've only heard of one couple being intimate. Most of them (at the homes I worked at anyway) are too incapacitated in one way or another to have sex.
Sex is a mutual thing. It doesn't have to be. It just depends on the couple. But there are only so many online movies we can watch in bed before we decide to close the laptop... ;)
But all-in-all, no. Just someone compatible, that you still get slightly excited to see even after a couple of years of the relationship. After all, sex is eventually going to die off, so you want someone with a suitable personality. However, if you SO is pressuring you into sex when you don't want it- you're definitely not obligated to say yes.
Sex doesn't "die off," it just TENDS to get less prevalent as you get older and other things start to take higher precedent.
Unless you are legitimately asexual (and those people do exist, however I understand they are rare), some form of sex is required as the relationship matures. The sex need not be penetrative, but it needs to be fulfilling for both parties, which is where the lack of "sex" (penetration) could be completely fine for a given couple. There are many other ways people get sexual fulfillment.
Of course this is from a mostly hetero viewpoint. In other types of coupling sex can take on widely different characteristics. Frottage, dancing, tribidism, BDSM...many many.
TL;DR Some sort of sex is required for long term relationships.
Depends on the couple. I for one would definitely, 100% leave if my boyfriend suddenly told me sex was off the table. I'd still love him, but the unhappiness and frustration I'd be going through would wreck any chance of a happy relationship. I'd say most people feel the same.
If you're an asexual person worried about your future - it's hard, but find someone else who feels the same way.
The problem is never really the absolute amount of sex, it's the mismatch between 2 sex drives, where one person feels pressured and insufficient and the other feels unloved and frustrated.
Most people do want sex, in varying amounts and in varying ways. But some people want it very infrequently or even not at all. If you're one of those people, you need to find a relationship where the other person is on board with having sex with you infrequently or not at all. Maybe they also have no sex drive or maybe they are allowed to have an emotional relationship with you but also date or sleep with other people (polyamorous relationships). Whatever works for you.
I personally would absolutely not be in a relationship that lacked sex.
I'm in a relationship without sex due to faith based reasons. Its been 3 years and we are waiting for marriage which is more important than anything sexual. It does not impact our relationship at all, BUT there are mystery, sexual tension and eagerness type of feelings.
Do you understand why your faith tells you that you shouldn't have sex before marriage? I'm just curious because for the longest time I just thought that because my faith says that I shouldn't have sex before marriage that I couldn't or I would end up in hell or something. But when I understood the theology behind it, it all made sense. Best of luck to both of you.
Absolutely it does, unless its not that kind of relationship. Honestly, if you have no sexual contact then you're just friends who one day plan to get married (which is fine and great that you found each other). If you have SOME sexual contact then you're in a romantic relationship but holding yourself back for some reason and its likely just the anticipation of the real thing that gets you by.
Whatever you're up to, as long as the other person is ok with it you're good. On the other hand, if you suddenly let all your sex dry up don't be surprised if it creates issues. Just like any other expression of love, if it suddenly goes away that's a red flag.
in the long one, you will want much more.
ReplyDeleteYour sex drive will diminish as you age and so on and other reasons and biology and stuff
Yeah, except we're all in our 20s here. You've still got many decades to go before that happens...
DeleteEven your wrinkly grandparents have/had sex. For instance, STIs are super prevalent at nursing homes because that's apparently all they do, bone.
DeleteSo yeah, sex is really needed in some way, shape, or form.
1a. I'm 24 and I haven't had any type of sex drive in 2 years.:\
Delete1b. That isn't ALL they do lol but it does happen. I worked at several nursing homes and I've only heard of one couple being intimate. Most of them (at the homes I worked at anyway) are too incapacitated in one way or another to have sex.
Sex is a mutual thing. It doesn't have to be. It just depends on the couple. But there are only so many online movies we can watch in bed before we decide to close the laptop... ;)
ReplyDeleteBut all-in-all, no. Just someone compatible, that you still get slightly excited to see even after a couple of years of the relationship. After all, sex is eventually going to die off, so you want someone with a suitable personality. However, if you SO is pressuring you into sex when you don't want it- you're definitely not obligated to say yes.
+1
DeleteSex doesn't "die off," it just TENDS to get less prevalent as you get older and other things start to take higher precedent.
DeleteUnless you are legitimately asexual (and those people do exist, however I understand they are rare), some form of sex is required as the relationship matures. The sex need not be penetrative, but it needs to be fulfilling for both parties, which is where the lack of "sex" (penetration) could be completely fine for a given couple. There are many other ways people get sexual fulfillment.
Of course this is from a mostly hetero viewpoint. In other types of coupling sex can take on widely different characteristics. Frottage, dancing, tribidism, BDSM...many many.
TL;DR
Some sort of sex is required for long term relationships.
yes
ReplyDeleteYES.
ReplyDeleteAll the happy old couples are still doing it
Yes
ReplyDeleteDepends on the couple. I for one would definitely, 100% leave if my boyfriend suddenly told me sex was off the table. I'd still love him, but the unhappiness and frustration I'd be going through would wreck any chance of a happy relationship. I'd say most people feel the same.
ReplyDeleteIf you're an asexual person worried about your future - it's hard, but find someone else who feels the same way.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is never really the absolute amount of sex, it's the mismatch between 2 sex drives, where one person feels pressured and insufficient and the other feels unloved and frustrated.
Most people do want sex, in varying amounts and in varying ways. But some people want it very infrequently or even not at all. If you're one of those people, you need to find a relationship where the other person is on board with having sex with you infrequently or not at all. Maybe they also have no sex drive or maybe they are allowed to have an emotional relationship with you but also date or sleep with other people (polyamorous relationships). Whatever works for you.
I personally would absolutely not be in a relationship that lacked sex.
I'm in a relationship without sex due to faith based reasons. Its been 3 years and we are waiting for marriage which is more important than anything sexual. It does not impact our relationship at all, BUT there are mystery, sexual tension and eagerness type of feelings.
ReplyDeleteDo you understand why your faith tells you that you shouldn't have sex before marriage? I'm just curious because for the longest time I just thought that because my faith says that I shouldn't have sex before marriage that I couldn't or I would end up in hell or something. But when I understood the theology behind it, it all made sense. Best of luck to both of you.
DeleteAbsolutely it does, unless its not that kind of relationship. Honestly, if you have no sexual contact then you're just friends who one day plan to get married (which is fine and great that you found each other). If you have SOME sexual contact then you're in a romantic relationship but holding yourself back for some reason and its likely just the anticipation of the real thing that gets you by.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you're up to, as long as the other person is ok with it you're good. On the other hand, if you suddenly let all your sex dry up don't be surprised if it creates issues. Just like any other expression of love, if it suddenly goes away that's a red flag.