OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Tuesday, February 25

#5980

QUESTION: A boy in my lab has been hinting that he's into me and everyone in the lab has noticed, to the point where they (PI and other Master's students/RAs) go for Timmies breaks when we're in the lab together, presumably to give us some alone time. I'm a lesbian. I'm not at the point where I feel comfortable enough to come out to my lab. Is there any way I can remedy this and avoid any hurt feelings? I like the research and the boy is nice, I just don't want to date him. I've been avoiding the situation for the time being and only going in to get work done in the evening, but it's been a week and I can't do this forever. Helppp!

21 comments

  1. That's rough. Maybe, try talking to him personally and asking him outright if he's interested in you. "Hi, I have a feeling you're interested in me" If so, you can then explain that you're not and while you think he's a great guy you would prefer not to have it affect your labwork.

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  2. You may be smart but you have no social skills. 12 year olds figured this out a long time ago.

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  3. wow nothing juicy happens in my lab

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  4. Maybe the people in your lab will read this and will know who you are..seriously, this isn't something too common so you may have just outed yourself.

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  5. Mention "your girlfriend".

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    1. when girls use the term "girlfriend" it's almost always referring to their close female friends

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    2. She said she doesn't want to come out as a lesbian to them

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  6. just bro zone him and drop the, "your like a brother to me" - card

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    1. Actually, doing something like this then mentioning how you find some other girl totally hot might effectively drop the hint without outing you to the whole lab. Then again, he'll probably get hurt and tell everyone like a little bitch so might not be the best solution.

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    2. 6 - pretty smart. I think this is the only way to gently reject him without coming out or really hurting him.

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  7. propose a threesome

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  8. Does he know you're a lesbian? That's a pretty good excuse.

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  9. Does he know you're a lesbian? That's a pretty good excuse.

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  10. I am in shock that no one else has said here that this is horribly inappropriate behaviour on the PI's part. Professionals should not be doing things to set up such encounters in an academic environment. I would advise anytime that they intentionally try and leave you both alone that you quickly gather your things and go with them to show some indication that you have no desire to be alone with this guy. Failing this route, I would explicitly tell the PI that you feel the way you do and that you are uncomfortable. No need to come out at all, as it is entirely reasonable that you simply do not want this kind of attention in a workplace regardless of orientation. Sorry to hear that you are dealing with something so inappropriate. And that you are getting moronic answers ignoring your desire to not reveal personal information in a professional setting (e.g. 5, 8, 9).

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  11. I think I know who you are, so I hope this isn't awkward. You could confide in someone else in the lab (just tell them that you think he's interested, but you're not). Then they could potentially bring the topic up with the guy and let him know that you're not into him? Btw, you're awesome and cool - if you want someone to talk to about dealing with coming out and stuff, lemme know (I'm a female).

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    1. You're awesome. Keep being that way.

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    2. Don't know if you remember me or not. But you like violet and a certain type of natural disaster, then I think I'm thinking along the right lines. Hope your lab situation has been sorted out. :)

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