QUESTION: Every person I know with a broken heart is a male. Can girls actually love? Why don't they ever know what they want? Why do they fall out of love so easily?
Speaking as a girl that is part of the problem - I have NO idea. I don't know why I am incapable of loving and also change my mind everyday. I think it's mostly fear of commitment and attaching too much logic to love. But if someone figures it out, let me know cuz I do want to fix myself.
Uh yeah, your problem is you have and exercise your free will. Shame on you! Just stay with whatever guy makes you feel guiltiest for thinking of leaving them. And now for a rebuttal by Captain & Tennille:
Just because you've become a young woman, now There's still some things that you don't understand, now Before you ask some guy for his hand, now You keep your freedom for as long as you can, now
My mama told me ... you better shop around You better shop around
There's some things that I want you to know, now Just as sure as the wind's gonna blow, now The men'll come and the men are gonna go, now Before you tell 'em that you love 'em so, now
My mama told me ... you better shop around You better shop around
Try to get yourself a bargain, girl Don't you be sold on the very first one Good looking guys come a dime a dozen Try to find you one who's gonna give you true lovin'
Before you take a man and say I do, now Make sure he's in love with you, now
My mama told me ... you better shop around You better shop around
Try to get yourself a bargain, girl Don't you be sold on the very first one Good looking guys come a dime a dozen Try to find you one who's gonna give you true lovin'
Before you take a guy and say I do, now Make sure he's in love with you, now Make sure that his love is true, now I hate to see you feeling sad and blue, now
Another girl here. I am the exact same way as you. I honestly don't know why! Every time a guy wants to get serious with me, I run from the relationship. I'm terrified of commitments and I don't know why!
@2c: 2a here. Except I'm a guy (swing and a miss - strike one), not that dumb, heh (stee-rike two). and nah I wouldn't call myself a feminist (whiff #3). Back you go to your dugout, son. Looks like it was past your bedtime when you posted and you might have gotten a tad cranky.
Speak for yourself. I'm not heartbroken because I was used so hard. You want me to show love... why don't you bother to show some yourself. Or just fucking leave instead of wasting my time.
I refuse to date again. Would rather own cats than deal with men.
4, please consider this (and also keep in mind that I am not justifying the abuse you went through): You were used by a guy. One guy. Does it really seem fair to paint us all with the same brush and assume that we are all like that?
There are ~7 billion people on the planet, 3.6 billion of whom are female. That leaves 3.4 billion males. 442 million of them are underage, meaning that there are 2.9 billion potential men that you can date. Let's be drastic (here's where I start assuming) and say that because of personal preference of age, nationality, etc, your dating pool of eligible males is down to 200,000. Two hundred thousand potential partners, and you are ready to swear off all men because 0.0005% of that number resulted in a bad experience? You think that the remaining 99.9995% will be just as bad? I am quite sure that not all of them will not bother with showing love, or use you. It makes no sense from any perspective other than that of fear to give up.
And if you let the fear of being hurt again control your choices to that extent, your past experience (and the person you had that experience with) has a much bigger hold on your life than you think. Do you want them to have that control?
Not trying to sound all Alpha here but forget this broken heart bullshit man. Yeah it sucks when it doesn't work out but it probably didn't work out for a reason. No point generalizing the entire female gender as insensitive, and you're not going to get sympathy from most people.
I find the best way to get over it is just cut off any unnecessary contact. Don't interact on Facebook, don't text her, just forget about her. If you see her around be nice but move on. Find some other girls, hang out with your friends, or get a hobby.
There are a lot of great girls out there and you shouldn't let a few bad experiences change your mindset.
No, girls cannot love. We are actually incapable of it. Whenever you see a girl in a long term relationship with an unattractive guy that doesn't buy her things, she must be cheating on him. It's the only explanation. It has to be. Why else would no one wanna date a respectful young stud like you, right? Fucking douche canoe.
Aside from that, us guys have a part of the blame too. A lot of us put females up on a fucking pedestal and make them out to be some sort of amazing shit that needs special privileges. Those goddamn white knights would do anything to get some attention from the opposite sex, even if it puts them down to the level of a dog.
Also lmfao to the "omg stop generalizing!!!!" posts. Go be in denial somewhere else.
I don't think the generalization is correct though at all. From my experience most of the 'users' and cheaters I know have been guys, but rather than say that that's something mostly guys do, you have to take a step back and say well maybe that's because I only date guys, so I've never experienced the other side of the playing field. I can't think of any girls that I know who don't love their significant others a whole lot, but that's also because the biggest reference I have is myself and after that my friends, who I probably wouldn't be hanging out with to begin with if they were users. It all depends on what perspective you're looking at the matter from. One hour of watching Maury and you'd be convinced that it's only guys that cheat and lie and don't reciprocate affection. But if you think about it from the bigger picture, you really know only a fraction of 1% of the girls in our town even, let alone the world so I would say that no, this generalization is not an accurate representation of reality. Also consider whether you're thinking of all the girls you know or just the 'hot' ones. Did you include your mother/sister in this? Or the unattractive girls that you consider to be under your league? If you did and you still think that way then I'm sorry that you have such a bad perspective on women.
I'm a girl with a broken heart. It's complicated (yeah, what else is new?). It's hard to say what he thinks since he's repeatedly told me he still has feelings but all he does is just hurt me more. Why open that can of worms...when you know you're not going anywhere with it?
There's a lot of shit someone can learn from breaking up with a person he or she had intense feelings for (even after the breakup). If he regrets the breakup and still has feelings for you, then chances are that he realized what he did wrong and will do everything in his power to never do the same things again.
14.a, I know why you might think that based on what I did say but unfortunately no. He does not want to be in a relationship. He wants to be friends with benefits and that is not ok.
I'll admit that if he did want to be together again, it would be hard to say no even though I know it would not be a good idea. That would be a very hard thing to say with a straight face but I'd really have to say no.
I like a girl as a person. I appreciate her intelligence, humour, the whole deal. I think she and I create a great dynamic together, and I can easily see she makes me happier. I also REALLY like the lady parts of this girl, and want to do dirty things to them. She likes my man parts too and is not opposed to doing dirty things with them either. Neither of us want to be in any relationship with anyone. (Let's say) I had a recent bad break up, and she knows she will be too busy with school and work to maintain a full relationship. We decide that since we like each others' company, we should be friends, and since we like each others' genitals, we should fuck regularly, and since we don't want a relationship, we shouldn't get into one.
I am being irresponsible and childish here, how exactly?
Its still a relationship. The only difference between what you describe and being bf/gf is not calling it that. If you want to keep it non-exclusive then that's a little irresponsible. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong, call it what you want.
MALES, FEMALES AND EVERYONE OTHER GENDER IDENTITY DON'T ACTUALLY DIFFER THAT MUCH. WE'RE ALL PEOPLE. UNLESS YOU'RE A PSYCHOPATH/SOCIOPATH/ETC. WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF LOVE. THERE ARE MANY KINDS OF LOVE AND EVEN MORE WAYS OF SHOWING IT. STOP WRITING OFF ~50% OF THE WORLD'S POPULATIONS AS HEARTLESS DEVILS.
@16 it's ironic given how smart people here should be in theory. Maybe it shows how lazy people are to not think things through.
Or maybe it's how people choose to use their brains. Easier to write off all women as heartless devils than perceive, discern and accept an aspect of reality.
One combined admission people may struggle to accept is that: a) it's okay for a woman to not choose you and b) there's nothing wrong with her that makes her have that view c) the view is correct. maybe a bonus thing to accept is d) you may still be an all right guy while the above still holds.
I think a lot of guys have a real problem with this. Maybe it's a maturity thing. (Oh, and just to hopelessly attempt ward off the backlash - again -, I'm still a guy)
butthurt?
ReplyDeletebutthurt.
DeleteSpeaking as a girl that is part of the problem - I have NO idea. I don't know why I am incapable of loving and also change my mind everyday. I think it's mostly fear of commitment and attaching too much logic to love. But if someone figures it out, let me know cuz I do want to fix myself.
ReplyDeleteUh yeah, your problem is you have and exercise your free will. Shame on you! Just stay with whatever guy makes you feel guiltiest for thinking of leaving them. And now for a rebuttal by Captain & Tennille:
DeleteJust because you've become a young woman, now
There's still some things that you don't understand, now
Before you ask some guy for his hand, now
You keep your freedom for as long as you can, now
My mama told me ... you better shop around
You better shop around
There's some things that I want you to know, now
Just as sure as the wind's gonna blow, now
The men'll come and the men are gonna go, now
Before you tell 'em that you love 'em so, now
My mama told me ... you better shop around
You better shop around
Try to get yourself a bargain, girl
Don't you be sold on the very first one
Good looking guys come a dime a dozen
Try to find you one who's gonna give you true lovin'
Before you take a man and say I do, now
Make sure he's in love with you, now
My mama told me ... you better shop around
You better shop around
Try to get yourself a bargain, girl
Don't you be sold on the very first one
Good looking guys come a dime a dozen
Try to find you one who's gonna give you true lovin'
Before you take a guy and say I do, now
Make sure he's in love with you, now
Make sure that his love is true, now
I hate to see you feeling sad and blue, now
Another girl here. I am the exact same way as you.
DeleteI honestly don't know why! Every time a guy wants to get serious with me, I run from the relationship.
I'm terrified of commitments and I don't know why!
2.a dumb feminist bitch
Delete@2c: 2a here. Except I'm a guy (swing and a miss - strike one), not that dumb, heh (stee-rike two). and nah I wouldn't call myself a feminist (whiff #3). Back you go to your dugout, son. Looks like it was past your bedtime when you posted and you might have gotten a tad cranky.
DeleteThis is fucking stupid. Girl here, no hope of ever getting over my ex.
ReplyDeleteSpeak for yourself. I'm not heartbroken because I was used so hard. You want me to show love... why don't you bother to show some yourself. Or just fucking leave instead of wasting my time.
ReplyDeleteI refuse to date again. Would rather own cats than deal with men.
Agreed, it's what I've considered for a while now.
Delete4, please consider this (and also keep in mind that I am not justifying the abuse you went through): You were used by a guy. One guy. Does it really seem fair to paint us all with the same brush and assume that we are all like that?
DeleteThere are ~7 billion people on the planet, 3.6 billion of whom are female. That leaves 3.4 billion males. 442 million of them are underage, meaning that there are 2.9 billion potential men that you can date. Let's be drastic (here's where I start assuming) and say that because of personal preference of age, nationality, etc, your dating pool of eligible males is down to 200,000. Two hundred thousand potential partners, and you are ready to swear off all men because 0.0005% of that number resulted in a bad experience? You think that the remaining 99.9995% will be just as bad? I am quite sure that not all of them will not bother with showing love, or use you. It makes no sense from any perspective other than that of fear to give up.
And if you let the fear of being hurt again control your choices to that extent, your past experience (and the person you had that experience with) has a much bigger hold on your life than you think. Do you want them to have that control?
Girls are aroused more and more easily than men
ReplyDeleteNot trying to sound all Alpha here but forget this broken heart bullshit man. Yeah it sucks when it doesn't work out but it probably didn't work out for a reason. No point generalizing the entire female gender as insensitive, and you're not going to get sympathy from most people.
ReplyDeleteI find the best way to get over it is just cut off any unnecessary contact. Don't interact on Facebook, don't text her, just forget about her. If you see her around be nice but move on. Find some other girls, hang out with your friends, or get a hobby.
There are a lot of great girls out there and you shouldn't let a few bad experiences change your mindset.
No, girls cannot love. We are actually incapable of it. Whenever you see a girl in a long term relationship with an unattractive guy that doesn't buy her things, she must be cheating on him. It's the only explanation. It has to be. Why else would no one wanna date a respectful young stud like you, right?
ReplyDeleteFucking douche canoe.
Don't hate on canoes.
DeleteBecause they're girls. Date a woman instead.
ReplyDelete+10000
DeleteWhat does that even mean
DeleteLolol
DeleteI've had a broken heart since 2009 when my boyfriend died. I know what I want. I haven't fallen out of love. Don't try to tell people how they feel.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry.
DeleteOnions.. ='(
DeleteI'm terribly sorry.
DeleteThis is the funniest thing I've read all day.
ReplyDeleteSame. I couldn't help but laugh when I read this, haha. In all seriousness, don't generalize because of a few bad examples.
DeleteOne bad apple doesn't mean the entire tree is rotten.
ReplyDeleteBitches are dumb. More at 11!
ReplyDeleteAside from that, us guys have a part of the blame too. A lot of us put females up on a fucking pedestal and make them out to be some sort of amazing shit that needs special privileges. Those goddamn white knights would do anything to get some attention from the opposite sex, even if it puts them down to the level of a dog.
Also lmfao to the "omg stop generalizing!!!!" posts. Go be in denial somewhere else.
So..um..were you dropped as a baby?
Delete12.a You being defensive just makes my case truer.
DeleteI don't think the generalization is correct though at all. From my experience most of the 'users' and cheaters I know have been guys, but rather than say that that's something mostly guys do, you have to take a step back and say well maybe that's because I only date guys, so I've never experienced the other side of the playing field. I can't think of any girls that I know who don't love their significant others a whole lot, but that's also because the biggest reference I have is myself and after that my friends, who I probably wouldn't be hanging out with to begin with if they were users.
DeleteIt all depends on what perspective you're looking at the matter from. One hour of watching Maury and you'd be convinced that it's only guys that cheat and lie and don't reciprocate affection. But if you think about it from the bigger picture, you really know only a fraction of 1% of the girls in our town even, let alone the world so I would say that no, this generalization is not an accurate representation of reality.
Also consider whether you're thinking of all the girls you know or just the 'hot' ones. Did you include your mother/sister in this? Or the unattractive girls that you consider to be under your league? If you did and you still think that way then I'm sorry that you have such a bad perspective on women.
Whatever makes you sleep at night...
ReplyDeleteThis was meant as a reply to 12b
DeleteI'm a girl with a broken heart. It's complicated (yeah, what else is new?). It's hard to say what he thinks since he's repeatedly told me he still has feelings but all he does is just hurt me more. Why open that can of worms...when you know you're not going anywhere with it?
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of shit someone can learn from breaking up with a person he or she had intense feelings for (even after the breakup). If he regrets the breakup and still has feelings for you, then chances are that he realized what he did wrong and will do everything in his power to never do the same things again.
Delete14.a, I know why you might think that based on what I did say but unfortunately no. He does not want to be in a relationship. He wants to be friends with benefits and that is not ok.
DeleteI'll admit that if he did want to be together again, it would be hard to say no even though I know it would not be a good idea. That would be a very hard thing to say with a straight face but I'd really have to say no.
If he wanted to be fwb then he doesn't have feelings for you.
DeleteDoes anyone think its possible to have feelings for someone and want to fool around with them but not go through the hassle of a full on relationship?
ReplyDeleteThat's called being irresponsible and childish.
Delete15a: I'm pretty sure you meant a friend with benefits
Delete15a, what? Fuck no. Let's see:
DeleteI like a girl as a person. I appreciate her intelligence, humour, the whole deal. I think she and I create a great dynamic together, and I can easily see she makes me happier.
I also REALLY like the lady parts of this girl, and want to do dirty things to them.
She likes my man parts too and is not opposed to doing dirty things with them either.
Neither of us want to be in any relationship with anyone. (Let's say) I had a recent bad break up, and she knows she will be too busy with school and work to maintain a full relationship.
We decide that since we like each others' company, we should be friends, and since we like each others' genitals, we should fuck regularly, and since we don't want a relationship, we shouldn't get into one.
I am being irresponsible and childish here, how exactly?
Its still a relationship. The only difference between what you describe and being bf/gf is not calling it that. If you want to keep it non-exclusive then that's a little irresponsible. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong, call it what you want.
DeleteHow the fuck do people even post this shit?
ReplyDeleteMALES, FEMALES AND EVERYONE OTHER GENDER IDENTITY DON'T ACTUALLY DIFFER THAT MUCH. WE'RE ALL PEOPLE. UNLESS YOU'RE A PSYCHOPATH/SOCIOPATH/ETC. WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF LOVE. THERE ARE MANY KINDS OF LOVE AND EVEN MORE WAYS OF SHOWING IT. STOP WRITING OFF ~50% OF THE WORLD'S POPULATIONS AS HEARTLESS DEVILS.
The level of misogyny on this site is ridiculous.
@16 it's ironic given how smart people here should be in theory. Maybe it shows how lazy people are to not think things through.
DeleteOr maybe it's how people choose to use their brains. Easier to write off all women as heartless devils than perceive, discern and accept an aspect of reality.
One combined admission people may struggle to accept is that:
a) it's okay for a woman to not choose you and
b) there's nothing wrong with her that makes her have that view
c) the view is correct.
maybe a bonus thing to accept is
d) you may still be an all right guy while the above still holds.
I think a lot of guys have a real problem with this. Maybe it's a maturity thing. (Oh, and just to hopelessly attempt ward off the backlash - again -, I'm still a guy)