OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Thursday, January 16

#5753

QUESTION: How do you cope with loneliness?
I am really having a hard time.

14 comments

  1. This is probably not the best advice at all, but I just surround myself with lots of people and make lots of plans to do things so that I'm not alone for too long. That way when I am alone, I cherish my alone moments.

    (Also I know that loneliness and being alone are two different things, but I generally associate them with each other.)

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  2. I feel the same way. It takes a lot of baby steps like ttrying to get yourself out there more and meeting people who give a better influence in your life.

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  3. My advice is to recognise that it's just a thought. A thought comes up that says "i'm lonely", and you dwell in it. There can't be any reality to that.

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  4. There's a Rush tune called The Pass with this stanza:

    "All of us get lost in the darkness
    Dreamers learn to steer by the stars
    All of us do time in the gutter
    Dreamers turn to look at the cars"

    As hard as it sounds to do, I've found it takes turning my attention away from myself and practicing empathy for others, even - especially - strangers. It creates a sense of a common bond with others. Keeps me from a spiraling-inward focus on myself that's self-defeating.

    Paradoxical antidote: what I feel the worst, I give its opposite.

    Get to bed before midnight, exercise to get the oxygen pumping to your brain. Discover and use your power - you do have it.

    The best acts happen in the worst circumstances. Take care and I care. See you around KW.

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  5. let's be friends? c:

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  6. I was really lonely for my first two years at Waterloo because I was afraid to approach people in case they rejected me. I took each rejection very personally. I believed that no one would want to spend time with me, and hence didn't make an effort to reach out to people because I thought they wouldn't want to hang out anyway, thus perpetuating this belief. I don't know if this is your situation, but if it is you can read on.

    I tried to deny my need for other company. But then, I discovered devoting energies to my own development felt empty, too. If people aren't enough, love isn't enough, money isn't enough, and academic success isn't enough, what could fill the emptiness in me, the craving for more?

    I know it sounds cliche, but it comes from a place of wanting to help, so I want to let you know the cure for my loneliness was turning my life over to Jesus. I discovered that His love is all I need, and that He is the only one that can fill the emptiness in me. I had been looking in all the wrong places. He turned my life around, transformed me, by giving me courage to reach out to other people and other Christians. I am satisfied because I no longer live for myself, but for Him. If you're looking for the answer, this is the one. I'm telling you because I don't know where I would be without Him...so I invite you to seek Him, too, so you may also know this joy!

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    1. I'm not sure if you're trolling, but as a fellow Christian, speaking in vague catchphrases and capitalizing your H's is not going to help anybody understand how your devotion to Jesus helped you.

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  7. I get lonely too. It's perhaps that Im not a very social person and kind of quiet. People mistake that quietness for other things and don't bother talking or hanging out with me because im "boring".

    If you feel really lonely, perhaps surround yourself with people - go to the mall, walk around campus. Just the feeling of surrounding yourself with people helps sometimes.

    Or if that's not possible...listen to music (music has helped me a lot), watch tv, journal about your feelings. Or talk to someone on a helpline if you need someone to talk to, someone to lean on (heck, you can even just call in to talk about something completely random if you want).

    You aren't alone, there are many people who feel the same way as you do (myself included). There are times where I can't cope with it and I feel down about myself, but there are times where I tell myself to get up and tackle it head on.

    Good luck OP! :)

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    1. Amen to that quietness bit. I'm also extremely shy and am very quiet in public/group situations where I don't know the people. From being quiet people have mistaken it for me being a snob, being stupid, underlying hatred for them, etc.

      Just because someone is quiet doesn't mean they don't want to be around you :(

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  8. Aww, OP, this comment hit home for me too.

    I went to high school in an upper middle class, predominantly Caucasian school. I was one of about 10 non-white people there, lol. I didn't make many friends in high school, and when I came to UW, I stayed in CLV my first year. Because of this, I don't have a strong friend circle.

    But the thing is, I thought for the longest time that it was something about me that was bad or wrong because I didn't have many friends. In the end, I think some of it is circumstance (you have to be in a long-term environment with people who are similar to you).

    I'm applying to professional schools nowadays and I really hope that if I do get it, I make friends there! Like you, I feel really lonely a lot of the time.

    Best of luck to you OP, see if you can put yourself in places where you think there will be people similar to you! Let's both keep our fingers crossed.

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  9. As lame as it sounds I bought a cat for myself so that I always have someone to talk to and hang out with...

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  10. The difference between loneliness and solitude is a just a state of mind. I didn't choose the lonely life, the lonely life chose me. So i accept it, get used to it and live with it. Now I pride myself on my independence and cherish every moment that i have with my family and friends. The world is beautiful and you don't need anyone else to discover it.

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  11. Meditation. Convince yourself you are not lonely... strengthen your mind. I'm assuming you don't have a bunch of people to surround yourself with. This works for me.

    Well, I also go out to bars on my own and chat with the bartenders, so that helps too :P

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