OMG UPDATE: Question? Answer.

Updated on Monday, January 6

#5682

QUESTION: Any asexy (asexual) people out there with a sexual partner? How do you make it work?

12 comments

  1. I've been with someone who wasn't exactly asexual but their labido was way way below mine (and mine is not particularly huge either). Basically I stayed for everything else and learned to live without the regular sex. It was not awesome but I loved her so whatever. I think in the end it would have worked if she accepted my needs like I did her lack thereof. You do lots in a relationship for the sake of the relationship, I don't see why blowjobs can't be on of those things :P

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  2. I'm not asexual but I'm a virgin and I don't want to lose it before I get married.
    No relationship has stuck yet. The "no sex" thing is a huge deal breaker for most people and when it comes down to it all my relationships have ended because of it (even though I've always been honest about it from the get go). I totally understand, it is what it is, but it isn't easy finding someone who's ok with it.

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    1. There's lots of people wishing they could meet someone like that haha, are you looking in the right places?

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    2. If anyone ever tells you their leading you on about the "no sex", don't listen to them! Really, they're leading YOU on because they led you to believe they'd be okay with it.

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    3. lol I think this is my ex

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    4. Well, this is what happens when you persuade yourself that your perfect match must not have sex with you before committing to partnership for an arbitrary length of time.

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    5. 2 here @RL what on earth do you mean by "this is what happens"? people decide to break up with me? I'm not complaining at all. Quite frankly I'm glad things didn't go further with any of the guys I've been with. If we get into a relationship when we're both on the same page knowing I'm not sleeping with you, and then you break up with me because I won't sleep with you, then I'm glad you're out of my life. Plain and simple.

      There is no "this is what happens".

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    6. @2, don't respond to RL. He's never been in a committed relationship before. If you've read his posts, all he does is sleep around and meets randoms on OKC and then sleeps with them.

      What does he know about valuing someone? Don't even bother arguing.

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  3. I don't know if I would say 'asexual', but I'm very very nonsexual and I found a partner even less so than me! I couldn't be happier because I never feel pressured to have sex if I don't want to and I never feel 'deprived' either. We both just get each other; we're on the same wavelength.

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  4. Actual asexual here, in a mixed relationship. We actually started dating because he's polyamorous and the arrangement seemed ideal.. in theory. Took more work than expected but it's doable.

    Since you haven't specified whether or not you're okay with sex once in a while, there are a few options.
    1. If you're averse, and your partner's sex drive is low, maybe they're okay with not having sex for an extended period of time, like 3 seems to be.
    2. If their sex drive isn't so low, and you're averse, you might want to consider an open arrangement of some sort.
    3. Or if you're neutral maybe having sex every so often (probably still not as much as the sexual would prefer) would be within your comfort zone.

    There's a lot of talk on AVEN about the third option, so do some searches around and talk to your partner and see what works for you two.

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  5. @2 I'm the EXACT same way...haha I thought I was reading post that I wrote.
    Oh well, if no sex the only reason it doesn't work then it wasn't much to begin with. I mean, it's not like it's no sex forever...just not ready yet.

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    1. 5 here again, just realized mistakes..
      "was reading A post that...."** and "if no sex IS the only reason.."**

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